Give The Man A Chance
Yes, many men err very badly, thereby causing their partner pain, sadly,
And so do many women out there too, it has to be said, respectfully.
However, here I'm just dealing with men, for protectors men are meant to be,
And never abusers — but that said, there's certainly some room for empathy.
Empathy, you say? Yes, because we all do things for which we’re very sorry,
And the consequences of those foolish mistakes can also cost us dearly.
Thus, our regret can be very deep, our sorrow likewise, and even guilt too,
All of which is a recipe for a very toxic emotional brew.
And such is made even worse when we are not forgiven, and further condemned,
Seemingly not allowed to move on in life, thus restricted, hampered and hemmed.
But our pain is even greater again, when just the once we badly err, and,
Not just guilt suffer, but constant reproach, and some very unfair lifelong brand.
Although there’s clearly no excuse for any violence, we must understand
That stress, poor health, circumstances, and even ones background can aid the unplanned.
And with males being masculine creatures, and somewhat programmed physically,
It could well be argued that they are simply reacting quite naturally;
That is, as males are so inclined to do, and hence why things often go askew.
I guess it’s the testosterone factor, the bane of many men (and good men),
And why here via rhyming poetry, these words of empathy I've sought to pen.
But having said that though, even some women can act very violently,
And perhaps understandably so, sometimes, but never justifiably.
Thus, when men err — that is, very badly so, and are genuinely sorry,
We should let them move on in life, treating them fairly and compassionately.
For we all make some bad mistakes, and sometimes we suffer far more than we should,
And perhaps are maligned, sneered at, tarred with a brush — yes, judged and misunderstood.
And tell me, who knows all the facts, the truth? It's hardly all those armchair critics,
Who smugly chew on gossip, and twisted or slanted news, such a dreadful mix.
And say, aren't there two sides to every story? Oh yes, there’s certainly that too,
But let’s give those remorseful men a chance, a new start, and thereby, a way through.
Go on, give the man a chance.
By Lance Landall
2. When Women Should Consider Forgiveness
It’s so easy for men to fall — and by that I mean, they having an affair,
Or that proverbial one night stand (and it’s of married men I’m talking here).
Yes, for men are easily stirred, they very visual and radar ready,
And why when it comes to the sexual, their thoughts can be errant and heady.
And there’s one more thing:
Men can separate love from sex, emotion from the act, and hence why we see
Those callous rapes by brutal soldiers, which, sad to say, they relish quite clearly.
For as I mentioned, a man’s sexual feelings can be compartmentalized,
Unlike those of women, who sex wedded to strong commitment have always prized.
And rightly so, for sex and love weren’t meant to be apart (nor outside marriage),
And why when separated, we’ve seen many a horse bolt and a stalled carriage.
And yes, those tears that flow, that feeling of having been used (as if just a thing),
And why from such an approach to sex, we see nothing but ill and heartache spring.
But having said that,
Even good men err, and why despite their deep love for their wife, they have some fling,
Or one night stand, and thereby, and very sadly so, risk losing everything.
The other woman merely a momentary temptation they succumbed to,
Or was it a mid-life crisis? Their strained relationship perhaps a strong clue.
And this being why a wife should consider forgiveness and take her husband back,
One assuming he’s repentant, not wanting to return to that errant track.
And thus she, out of mercy, making allowances for man’s Achilles heel,
For men are quickly excited by that which women are better to conceal.
Yes, why write off many years of marriage? Such a waste of one’s life, and you know,
Divorce exchanges one problem for another, it less a friend, more a foe.
And oh, how the children suffer, and then there’s those affects on society,
They oft preventable, many marriages only requiring energy.
Though it’s not good that men err sexually, a woman needs to understand
That men are constantly bombarded with the sexy; and what thief hasn’t planned?
Yes, that other woman being as guilty where she’s known he’s a married man, who,
For the sake of his dear wife and family, she shouldn’t have thought to pursue.
And here’s something else I’d like to say: What doesn’t help a man remain faithful
Is the rejection of any worthy boundary, standard and principle.
All why women should mind the man they marry, and why men should embrace what’s right,
For those men who don’t are sure to have a problem with their eyes-cum-appetite.
However,
Not all lesser men set out to betray their wife, and why women shouldn’t rush,
Many only too happy to dump their erring man, then tar him with that brush.
And this, despite such being a blip, and he remorseful, not wanting to lose her,
For as said: When it comes to the sexual, it’s so easy for men to err.
And err they’re far more likely too where porn and the hot-cum-sexy beckons them,
That market outside their vows promising tastier fruit that’s sure to condemn.
For once such fruit’s partaken of, its oft found to have a bitter aftertaste,
And those men having to ask for forgiveness that may not come, which many have faced.
By Lance Landall
3. Another Thing Women Should Ponder On
It’s my belief that it isn’t wise to marry young, though some folk are lucky,
But not so the majority, hence why we see divorce and adultery.
For how many young adults really know what they want, or who they want, as here,
Their partner having been accepted rather that chosen, hence that cause for care.
Yes,
Too many marry out of frustration, they simply taking who they can get;
In other words, life doing the choosing, not them, and later oft comes regret
(Be such early or later), many men wanting to know if they’ve got it,
And I meaning, that ability to pull (though this, not all men will admit).
And if living with some woman, who pressures them with that, “Lets get married,” bit,
They seemingly needing to know whether they have or haven’t before they commit.
Oh dear, thinks that man, this is where things get serious — yes, it’s funny but true,
He not having chosen this woman — and so, should other women he pursue?
In other words, is this really the woman he wants, enter a fling or two,
He wanting to be sure, but oft making things worse — such a dicey avenue —
Caused by that inability to choose that results in dissatisfaction,
Be that inability due to a lack of confidence, opportunity,
or attraction.
And,
The trouble with aging men is, that they’re still boys at heart, and boys will be boys,
Thus they still trying to impress, and hence those antics and even bigger toys.
Men traditionally the chasers, and like to think they can still reel one in,
But their ego and confidence is easily crushed, and where ill can begin.
Hence why they need their wife’s reaffirming, she making him feel that he’s a catch,
And she dressing and acting in a way that leaves him thinking that she’s a catch.
Otherwise — and even despite this, in many cases — a husband will stray,
That need of proof very strong, and then there’s temptation, at the end of the day
(Though where having accepted rather than chosen, he far more likely to stray).
And you know, it generally easier for a women to get a man,
She somewhat having an advantage, though this why she often gets the wrong man.
Yes, some men erring and some men plain errant, and why forgiveness needs some thought
In the sense of taking such men back, and time out oft needed for the distraught.
To be honest, there’s really no excuse for unfaithfulness-cum-betrayal,
It far from fair, right and honourable, and why it bids dignity farewell.
Thus those who indulge in such, for any reason, can hardly be trusted again,
And many do betray again, and why I’d think long and hard about such men
(Or even women, if a man), unfaithfulness not a good sign, hence my pen.
And so, all that I'm doing here is, trying to create some understanding,
Because such is a situation that many women aren’t rightly handling.
And therefore, they writing off a man who’s redeemable, some man they love,
And why a little knowledge can prove helpful; some things best handled with a glove.
By Lance Landall
4. That Two Way Street
It’s very clear that a man should never think to hurt a woman physically,
But nor should any woman somehow trigger such a dreadful possibility.
For while any violence should never be excused, nor should any provocation,
Which, it needs to be made very clear here, far too often is the situation.
Men are very physical creatures, and naturally tend to react that way,
Not that I am excusing such, should any man from that which is good and right stray.
But such needs to be clearly understood, for that's simply the way that men are made,
And bearing in mind that stress and provocation will simply testosterone aid.
Hence why it’s so much harder for men when they are really riled to keep such in check,
And why in so many cases (sadly), a wonderful relationship they wreck.
And also why women should bear such in mind, lest they pointlessly aid and abet,
And the tragic consequences of wrongly doing so, have much cause to regret.
You see, just as men need to try and understand women — so too, women should men,
Otherwise, it will no doubt simply be another case of, “Here we go again.”
We just cannot escape this fact, and neither should we bury our heads in the sand,
And nor anyone who makes a bad mistake, a “violent offender” then brand.
Yes, deal with the nasty guys that are out there, but don’t go getting carried away,
And nor each time a man badly looses it, publicly start hollering, “Foul play!”
For perhaps he was nagged at mercilessly, badgered, frustrated very unfairly,
Or even goaded, cruelly belittled (and even driven to drink, possibly).
Tell me, why is it always the man’s fault, seemingly? Are not some men victims too,
Perhaps of their tragic upbringing, or things that their partner wrongly chose to do?
For after all, so many women can act just as badly as some men (sadly),
So let’s get some balance here, and where there should be, a shared responsibility.
Too many women out there create their own misfortune by sowing a bad seed,
And overtime keep adding more fuel to the fire — and thereby, just resentment breed.
Yes, so often women are the little spark, the trigger, the fuel, or the kindling,
And yet, whenever they cop the backlash from such — oh dear, how loudly they can sing!
You might also like to read my poem "For Adults Only."
5. It's Not Just Men
Yes, it’s not just men, you know, but women too, who're acting badly, their tongues uttering some profanity,
And they, copying the sexual antics of men, antics they once downcried, but no longer, seemingly.
They happily embracing so much that they once condemned men for, and thereby, are degrading themselves too,
And why’s a good question, though I suspect Hollywood’s had something to do with it, its portrayals so askew.
And all that sexy carry-on, which has many women dressing more like women of the night (even day),
Little left to the imagination, and they, thus sending signals that certain suggestive things seem to say.
And they wonder why they’re less respected and are seen as objects, plus they’re acting just like they’re one of the boys,
Which true manliness that wants to treat a woman like a lady-cum-princess, somehow thwarts and destroys.
And who’s surprised given the beer guzzling, the foul language, and loose behaviour coming from women these days,
All of which says, “I can take care of myself, thank you,” and, "I can beat you at this or that,” which hardly pays.
For such has men thinking, “Why hold the door open for them?” “Why treat them tenderly?” “Why treat them with respect?”
And once again, who’s surprised, 'cause when women act low, tough, silly and unfeminine, what can they expect?
For in the eyes of men, women behaving like men, or unseemly, are fair game, and create less desire
(Other than the wrong ones, of course), or distaste, which is why such copycat behaviour can only but backfire.
Thus, rather than pulling men up by the bootstraps, many women are sinking to their level, foolishly,
Which can only but hurt their case, and here they are thinking that they’re liberated. Well, you could've fooled me.
By Lance Landall
6. Domestic Abuse
Lest it be that you think I’m defending violence or men who act violently,
Let me assure you that such isn’t the case, violence and crime a tragedy.
But some things need to be understood, so enter clarity and reality,
For men are men and life is life — and yes, there are women who act violently.
Okay,
When a man feels unable to care and provide for his dear wife and family —
Well, sufficiently, that is — thanks to the likes of unemployment, undoubtedly,
And the right support and backup isn’t there, enter worry and anxiety,
Stress and frustration, and oft that domestic violence that haunts society.
You see,
Once men lose their sense of manliness, that I’ll provide and protect ability,
And/or when they’re also seen as losers, it can affect them dramatically.
They soon losing heart, even their way, and under certain stress and provocation,
They often explode, men tending towards the physical where there’s aggravation.
And where alcohol and drugs are involved, oh, such is a certainty, believe me,
Men even more quickly misusing their natural brawn-cum-masculinity.
And wherever there’re underlying background issues, (they having been victims too),
There is a powder keg awaiting matches, and almost any trigger will do.
And those triggers? Well, they are many and varied, children often a major one,
They severely testing one’s patience, soaking up money, and why some folk have none.
And hence that child abuse that we hear of, and why wives are confronted with such too,
And we all so prone to hurting the ones that we love via this or that avenue.
“It’s time that cycle was broken,” we holler, but such much easier said than done,
And why harm will just continue where there’s the likes of poverty, a lack of sun.
In other words, where there’s unemployment, financial stresses or background issues,
Hence that need of support and backup, for there will always be a need of tissues.
The truth is, many parents aren’t skilled at child rearing, and such hardly a surprise,
Many having been the victims of bad parenting themselves, and hence that sad rise,
For look at the current generation who are raising kids, or who’re about to,
Many boozers, drug takers, party goers, who don’t care what their kids read or view.
Yes, you can rubbish the following as much as you like, but as night follows day,
Things only get worse where good things get dumped — in other words, where there’s moral decay.
Hence that new breed of contemporaries who think they know best, and why we see
That tired out with the old and in with the new ridiculous mentality.
And yes, there will always be renegade men — dads — just like there’ll always be baddies,
Though many of them no doubt victims of their background too, and some celebrities.
Such ill no respecter of persons, wealth or position, and why once again we see
Both generally good men and those renegades behaving unacceptably.
But hey, back to where I came in, and a word to the wives of those physical men,
Who, by the way, need help rather than punishment so that they won’t injure again.
It’s better to use healing balm than any words or actions that will further stir,
And that will simply worsen a bad situation, not that I mean to infer.
No, I’m not suggesting that a woman should remain where there is violence, and,
Nor should any wife tolerate any threat; even a hint of a heavy hand.
For where a man injures once, he often injures twice, and many don’t stop at twice,
And this why there must be a zero tolerance, and one quickly seeking advice.
A woman though, doesn't have to end her relationship with such a man, but,
Until he has seen the light and won’t reoffend, her door should remain locked and shut.
And thus a second chance not out of the question, because as I mentioned before,
Men can make such a mistake when up against it and enter that proverbial straw.
By Lance Landall
7. On Behalf Of (Reformed) Torpedo Joes
Is this you, dear friend?
“Seems no matter how I try, I’ll never be what I wish, a husband whose wife’s in love with him, and so,
I try to cope with knowing otherwise, my heart in tatters, I all at sea, hence inner tears that flow.
And so it goes, and every day, life conspiring to defeat the efforts I make to win her love back,
Though I'm not really sure I ever had her love, 'cause some things that she desires, are things I seem to lack.
Seems there’s little I can do, and time and opportunity aren’t on my side (for this reason or that), and,
Given that she doesn't have the issues and hang-ups I have, how can I expect her to understand?
Yes, I’ve made mistakes that I regret, too many to remember, and having started on the wrong foot,
And why over time (compounded by things that haven’t helped), her love and affection I’ve trampled underfoot.
I want her to respond to me, and I meaning, with a love that reveals itself in desiring eyes,
But given how I’ve crushed her so, deprived her of much, it’s no wonder her busyness she justifies.
So here I am, reaping the results of my own folly, having learnt too late that love shouldn't be bound,
'Cause love only grows where it's given liberty, and why within the same wise, loving arms it’s still found.
Yes, there were those good times, but along came torpedo Joe, I my own worst enemy, and hers, sadly,
All why much joy that could’ve been just didn’t stand a chance, and what right had I to act so callously?
Well, I could blame my background, certain things I don’t understand, but such could never excuse my cruelty,
And why though repentant and having changed much, I’m up against it, 'cause she can’t help but still see that me.”
Yes, is this you, dear friend?
If it is, you’re not alone, 'cause there’re many like you, some regaining their wife’s love, most not able too,
The damage too deep, those changes coming too late, and why midst bitter tears, their fired torpedoes they rue.
And where they do regain their wife’s love — she forgiving indeed — they’ve still left her with all those memories,
And why at times she herself may falter, for such can colour things, leave her with momentary unease.
I hear you speaking again.
“I’m fearful she’ll find a new man, 'cause that’s the last thing I want, though I know I’ve only got myself to blame,
'Cause how she must have longed for a better life, slept uneasy, and possibly pleaded in Jesus' name.
Little joy in my coming home from work, and she concerned for the kids, 'cause some kind of father was I,
They undeserving of being on the receiving end too, and I, such behaviour can't justify.”
Oh dear.
Well,
keep hope, press on with those changes, 'cause should you
still lose her despite such, you’ll be a better man, and,
This world all the better for that, and a difference you can make, because now you better understand.
For many men, such an understanding comes too late, but better late than not, and best you let folk know,
'Cause despite the harm you’ve done, or what you still could lose, at least you’re no longer another Torpedo Joe.
By Lance Landall
This poem was upgraded 7 February 2020.
8. Don't Double A Good Man's Mistake
It’s sad that many good men somehow err, a sexual encounter, perhaps, a single act,
But one that sees them suffer greatly, for when good men err, they’re prone to being more cruelly attacked.
And the reason why often is, because they rattle those who don’t like certain truths being conveyed,
And with those folk oft being opportunists, they try to worsen things, and don’t let the mishap fade.
Hence added claims — they untrue, of course — but oh, how mud unfairly sticks, and armchair critics gab,
They certain there’s more to things when there isn’t, except for the lies, that following underhand stab;
As if the opportunists need any encouragement, their claims doing enough injury,
And this on top of the regret and anguish that those good men who err feel, and genuinely.
Yes, it’s always harder for such men, they oft having sought to convey and do what’s best for all,
And then due to whatever (no prior intent), they badly slip — in other words, make that wrong call.
And though it’s said that “they should know better,” no one’s infallible, and all should be shown mercy,
Folk also taking into account the impact that their claims may have on someone’s family.
Well, what goes around comes around, hence why false accusers should beware, lest they suffer as well,
Although in their case they deserve to, for nobody should set about saying or doing ill.
Yes, good men shouldn’t err too, but they’re the last ones that folk should hammer given their better ways,
For they’re trying to make a difference, are walking a straighter path, which their mishap, outweighs.
When we stand for right, and call folk to a better way, more is expected of us, and rightly,
But at the end of the day, we’re all human, and can get caught out somewhat unexpectedly.
Thus, when good men err, we should help them up (indeed all!), appreciating their contribution,
Rather than erring ourselves and indulging in what amounts to a form of persecution.
By Lance Landall