Regarding dating, and more.
The Author
written by by Joshua Harris and over which there has been a certain controversy.
1. To Date Or Court, Mister Harris
Well, reality must be faced, because boys and girls will meet and form friendships,
And so, close relationships are inevitable, not all passing like ships.
And the sin of sex before marriage aside, attraction can turn to love, and
There they go, no law saying they can’t, and parents just hoping it’s hand in hand.
Enter prayer and education, because all we can do is our best, and so,
Minding how we go as parents lest a hardening of heart begin to show.
Our children not living in a heavenly land, and thus savvy need to be,
Which they won't be if they’re cocooned, and balls and chains all to do with slavery.
It’s all about being there for them, though wrong choices should be meet with warning,
And so too that far too often seen and inappropriate love sick fawning.
Too many parents holding back when things should be said or done, and why is seen
One thing leading to another, or a future unhappy marital scene.
Courtship is all very well, but not always workable in this day and age,
And thus it more about prayer and education, one mindful of Satan’s rage.
He particularly after young Christians, and why parents need to be wise,
Lest from their over protective and far too restrictive arms he’s seen to prise.
However, dating shouldn’t be overly encouraged either, hence caution here,
Because single boys and girls should be asking God to accompany and steer.
Young minds so susceptible to erring, hence mistakes their parents may’ve made,
And why within the safety of the Word and flock many wish that they had stayed.
And this being why matchmakers should also mind this message that I’ve conveyed.
So, Mister Harris, I know you meant well, and your attempt was commendable,
Many taking things to the inch degree, and thereby, creating their own ill.
Rather then taking principles on board, many clutch a book or revere a man,
Only too quick to blame both — and coping flack too, oft Dad, Mum, Grandad or Gran.
We do our best, Mister Harris, most doing nothing at all, yet complaining,
When if it hadn’t been for a certain book, some would otherwise be paining.
They spared from an errant path, though taking a balanced approach, knowing full well
That fanaticism and liberalism are two things that lead to ill.
At the end of the day, it’s our choice whether to read a book or not, and so,
We not forced to, nor forced to go by it, but just consider it, and sense show.
Yours just another one of many, and so, not necessarily to blame,
And any good content that might be lost because of complainers, a real shame.
There’s no question, especially in this modern age, that dating’s perilous,
Hence why Christians should date within a framework, worldly dating ridiculous.
Yes, we’ve seen the results, and certain lessons should be learning, so don’t feel bad,
Because your book’s far more sense than not so, and from it, much benefit’s been had.
For most young people, dating’s seen as if the beginning and end of it all
The spiritual often losing out, and dating non-believers a gall.
And therefore, timely reminders and noble attempts should be praised, not scoffed at,
And especially given that Christians should only be wearing the one hat.
By Lance Landall
I would recommend that you read my poem (That Weak Men Syndrome) about men who compromise
or change their postion under pressure. It can be found in the orange box titled King David.
2. Kisses, Cuddles And More
A boy and girl go out together, and shortly they’re kissing, cuddling and more,
And then they break up, and that same scene is repeated, twice, thrice, even a score.
Such never what God intended, kissing, cuddling and more for marriage alone,
And just that one person, not others around town, and why God is heard to groan.
Such kisses and cuddles are marital expressions, privileges, and so
Why are such happening outside of marriage, revving engines not meant to go?
Such clearly affecting the emotions, making breaking up harder to bear,
Some guys just using or playing with, hence those young girls who shed many a tear.
Yes, such breaks-ups are common, and this making it all the worse, not right, not fair,
And that such just makes a mockery of the marital covenant is clear.
Other males (or females) having handled ones wife (or husband) intimately,
An immoral state of affairs that the God of marriage never likes to see.
Dating’s one thing, cuddling and kissing quite another, and where it oft leads to,
And this why the Christian should refrain from such until that time one says, “I do.”
Otherwise, God’s offended, and His Word is ignored, which says, “Flee youthful lust,”
Which, given into beforehand, is known to work against, cause marriages to bust.
The One who knows the beauty and specialness of virgin marriages, that bond,
Doesn’t want such made less meaningful by those other fishes in the same pond.
There too many belts around with growing notches, when it should’ve been a “No!”
And especially wherever there are Christians, ’cause far better they should know.
And midst that dating that so often ends in break-ups, things far too quickly said
Regarding intimate, personal or family things that have one blush red,
Well, when passed on after that break-up, and hence why dating comes with its bad side,
A side that the Christian should watch, Christ desiring a righteous, holy bride.
By Lance Landall
3. A Partner, Lord, And The Right One
We seek Your help, Lord, regarding a partner, and the right one, then off we go,Asking different folk what they think, and why we wonder why we still don’t know.
After all, why ask You, Lord, if we can simply ask others, who err like us,
And why there’s no one better and wiser to seek help from than You, Lord Jesus.
So may You direct us, not others, whose bias can get in the way, and does,
They sometimes sharing things spoken in confidence, and why the whole town’s abuzz.
But You keeping things to Yourself, Lord, and oft revealing Your will privately,
Hence why we should ask if You will, strongly and clearly, and then wait patiently.
Yes, there’s value in a number of counsellors, though we minding some details,
And letting You have the last say, Lord, ’cause going by man is how one oft fails.
We becoming confused by what he or she has said, and when it could well be
That the one we wouldn’t have thought so, Lord, is the one that You desire be.
Often we hang a fleece out, Lord, one spun in our own loom, thus failing here too,
As if we can have You dancing to our strings, when we really haven’t a clue.
Your ways not our ways, and we having a certain autonomy, right to choose,
Though that brain that You’ve given, and book of wisdom also, we should rightly use.
Sometimes things appear to be Your answer to our request, Lord, when they’re not so,
Satan happy to work things when something’s actually not the way to go.
Hence our taking care, but not holding back in fear, ’cause some risks we can’t help take,
Though knowing well the desired one, if there is one, helps prevent a mistake.
I guess this is why we need to have a very close relationship with You,
That we may detect Your directing more clearly, and which path we should pursue.
We not standing idle, but careful observers with modest expectations,
Rather than those far too often unrealistic and fanciful creations.
If You have someone for us, Lord, we’ll get them, unless we do something silly,
Though that isn’t likely if we’re walking in Your ways and acting sensibly.
But we so prone to wanting everything mapped out and handed on a plate,
Which isn’t generally how it happens, and sometimes some thing’s coming late.
Marriage is something we work on, Lord, it’s not already made, a perfect thing,
Hence why into such a relationship, issues we inevitably bring.
Ones we have to work through together, Lord, but with Your help, and there also grow,
Just like in our relationship with You, and sometimes that growth is very slow.
However, this said, Your return’s close at hand, and this, where our focus should be,
And thus we not getting too caught up on those things that aren’t a priority.
Happiness enough there’ll be when we reach that heavenly land, and there to find
Everything that will meet our heart’s desire, exactly like You first planned.
By Lance Landall
The following poem is from my secular section, it being one that I felt was best placed here too.
4. Where's Mister Or Miss Right?
Many are waiting for the right one, as if only that one would ever do,When there’s a number that we could be happy with, and to whom we’d say, “I do.”
Yes, there’s not just one, but far more, the trouble though, being finding them, and so,
Off we go a searching, and who knows where they’ll be, or whether in time they’ll show.
And for most, despite there being many right ones out there, the right one’s not found,
We unable to give our list of desired traits to some globe trotting sniffer hound.
And so, we having to accept some mere mortal, unless we’re very lucky,
And lucky many are, the right person living in the same territory,
Or coming their way, miraculously.
Yes, because what’s the chances of that, and why our expectations should make sense,
Mister or Miss right hardly found by simply peering over the neighbour’s fence.
And even trips afar not always proving fruitful, hence why some don’t marry,
That simply how life is, and why over “Why?” it’s rather pointless to tarry.
We’re not in the Garden of Eden where perfection would’ve glowed from any,
But rather, in a world where a perfection of sorts, would hardly fit many.
And so, out of one to ten, say, we more likely having to settle for eight,
Even seven, ’cause for the right one, we could well have to wait and wait and wait.
However, its better to still be waiting than end up with the wrong one, who,
Much misery might bring with them, they far from eight or seven, and more like two.
While not seeking perfection, we shouldn’t lower the bar too far, lest we find
That sound advice, warning, sense, wisdom and objectivity we’ve left behind.
By Lance Landall
5. On Satan's Hit List
The Christian family is a POWERFUL witness, until divided it falls,Satan having entered or plucked, adultery or permissiveness taking his calls,
Or a relationship with a non-believer; that godly home wounded and cracked,
And therefore, a dysfunctional spiritual unit, Satan having attacked.
Yes, Christ seen on one side, Satan on the other, a sad Christian and worldly blend,
The neighbours sensing that division, and thus less time on consideration spend.
Well, such Christians hardly wowing them, they somewhat the same, when all’s said and done,
Beset by inner problems too, a Christian soap opera, which simply shames the Son.
That family’s witness somewhat crippled, godly offspring lessened, and there we go,
Fewer Christians and less committed ones, thus God missing out to His ancient foe.
It all a game that Satan seems to be winning these days, and sex playing its part,
Porn, sexiness, unfaithfulness, or that unsuitable suitor who steals some heart,
Hence why each Christian family’s witness is on Satan’s hit list right from the start.
By Lance Landall
You may also wish to read my poem That Solomon Syndrome which is in the
orange box titled King David.
6. Raiders Of The Flock, Part One
Satan, in order to disperse and weaken the flock, has his raiders of the flock,
Non-believers who court believers, thus depleting our Saviour’s personal stock.
And amazingly, with the consent of those ones they soon marry, who badly err,
For rather than marry as God would have them, they simply marry who they prefer.
Oh, such disloyalty, and as a consequence, godly seed oft lost to the wind — chaff —
And the consenting one oft lost too via their backsliding, hence Satan’s mocking laugh.
Yes, he working from the inside out like he does via encouraging wrongful means,
Hence those half-baked Christians that enter the Church, and those most unholy worship scenes.
Yes, he no dummy, but more switched on than you and I, less souls for Christ on his mind,
And hence that poaching of Christians, and that flirting with non-believers that we find.
And this, despite our Lord warning the Israelites about flirting with Philistines,
But oh, how history repeats, hence those footprints crossing God’s demarcation lines.
All why we mustn’t go by our heart but by a thus saith the Lord-cum-His Word,
Christ stating that His true followers are those who do His will and not what’s preferred.
And surely that’s so, we either fully surrendered or not, and why one soon day
Christ may say, “Depart from Me,” for the truth is, that they really wanted their own way.
Christ never intended that prior to His coming the Church be worse and not better,
But rather, it having shed every wrong, carrying out His will to the letter.
In other words, compromise and worldliness out, any Holy and unholy mix,
Shepherds having guarded the flock well, the Church run by godly men, not mavericks.
Yes, the flock well versed in right and wrong, and it committed to saving Philistines,
But in the process, its members never thinking to cross God’s demarcation lines.
For once they do, they quickly depart from the path of truth, as did the Israelites,
They less concerned about God’s desires, commands, and far more about their so-called rights.
And hence how those raiders of the flock soon get their captives who willingly succumb,
They having been seduced by another flattering apple, orange, pear or plum.
Though such thoughts having first begun in their divided hearts, for Christ should always come first,
Yet what do we see, and regarding what He has laid down? — yes, so much being reversed.
By Lance Landall
“Do
not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with
darkness?” (2 Cor 6:14, NIV).
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3, KJV).
“ ‘Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?’ ” (Luke 6:46, NIV).
7. Raiders Of The Flock, Part Two
“Come out of the world,” Jesus says, so why are Christians dating non-believers?
For those who teach such is fine are woefully ignorant or deceivers.
And sadly,
Prophets not welcome in their own hometown — in other words, those parents who warn,
Many of them having to bear the brunt of their infatuated child’s scorn.
And should their child manage to convert the one that they’re dating, all’s still not well,
Because such sends a message that’s muddy, rebellious, perilous and ill,
And that is:
Dating a non-believer is fine given that one can convert them — FOLLY!
Because the majority fail, end up losing their spirituality.
So what’s a non-believer?
An atheist? Yes, but also those who’ve not accepted Christ as their Saviour,
Those who haven’t repented, completely changed their direction-cum-behaviour;
In other words, clearly displayed their belief and true intent — been baptized — and,
Those things that God wants clearly understood via His Holy Word, understand.
Though worldings have a habit of spoiling and soiling, one thing is very clear,
They know when they’re onto a great thing, good Christian boys and girls appealing here.
Yes, one pair of in-laws gaining, one pair of in-laws losing, and they saddened,
For seldom has the fruit of such forbidden relationships truly gladdened.
Oh, enter friction, two different worlds oft colliding, and thus why God says, “No!”
And this why parents who pander to such off skew desires far better should know.
And this why many conversions aren’t genuine, but simply a means to an end,
And this why until someone’s converted they should only be seen as a friend.
Meantime, where such dating takes place, what a false witness to the world, other folk,
For what’s righteousness doing courting unrighteousness? — it nothing but a joke!
Well, perhaps I shouldn’t say that, for it’s actually a serious sin,
Yes, far from a laughing matter — and love is blind, they say, lacking discipline.
And where Christians are married to non-believers, where’s true happiness and joy,
For how can two walk together lest they be agreed? — and why things soon annoy.
And thus their children living in a divided home, and what path will they take?
Hence why those Christians dating non-believers are making a terrible mistake.
By Lance Landall
It’s
very painful, unfair and most ironic, that biblically ignorant raiders
of the flock, accuse the parents of their target
of being
un-Christ-like, simply because they try to protect their child from
such raiders by distancing themselves, and lest they aid and abet the
forbidden.
8. Unequally Yoked
God doesn’t want His followers to marry non-believers, something that they shouldn’t think to do,
For how can light and darkness harmonize? — and as for light, such one partner hasn’t sought to pursue?
And hence they unequally yoked, each soon rubbing each other the wrong way, or one somehow chafing,
And this why the believing partner’s walk usually flounders-cum-why they less joyously sing.
Yes, such unions far more often pulling the believer out than pulling the non-believer in,
Hence that decline in godly offspring, kids following in the footsteps of the non-believer’s sin.
And there goes the appealing witness of what should’ve been a good Christian marriage-cum-family,
And this, all because of Christians who when it comes to their Lord’s will, simply choose to go contrary.
Oh yes, even Christian marriages can fail, and what a dreadful witness to others that is too,
But that’s no excuse for marrying some non-believer as so many believers choose to do.
And why the weariness of the non-believer’s dragging takes its toll, the Christian soon succumbing,
Yes, they pulled off their spiritual chair, the non-believer’s hoped for conversion not forthcoming.
“What if they’re a Christian but of another faith?” I hear some say. Well, such better but still unwise,
And not as God would have it, for how can they be in agreement? — and hence why clashes oft arise.
In other words, they still somewhat unequally yoked, their strong doctrinal beliefs divergent, and
Therefore, a potential cause of discontent and friction, and they, less often walking hand in hand.
Yes, one parent believing that God’s Word says this, and one believing that God’s Word says otherwise,
Such all proving unhelpful to their kids who might reject the lot, or learn to wrongly compromise.
And is it any wonder, for where’s the doctrinal stability, hard rock as opposed to sand,
And why Christians should mind how they’re yoked, lest in their own demise, or their kids, they lend a helping hand…
And before an unbelieving world, also prove to be a false witness — just like the devil planned.
By Lance Landall
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3, KJV).
"Do
not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with
darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a
believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there
between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the
living God...Therefore, come out from them and be seperate, says the
Lord..." (1 Cor 6:14-17, NIV).
Notes for the poem below:
The unconverted: Those who’re non-believers, atheists or agnostics.
However, also a danger is: Those who haven't fully accepted Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour,
those who haven't fully turned from their former sinful life, nor are seriously
committed to the will of God, His truths and the Christian walk, those who’ve not fully
surrendered to Christ.
"
'I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you
were cold or hot. So then, because you are luke warm, and neither cold
nor hot, I will spew you out of My mouth' "
(Rev 3:15,16, NKJV).
If
you're a Christian, wisdom says: Don’t date someone who isn’t one. Just
maintain that friendship until they have become a Christian too, and a
fully committed one. If they are wanting to date you, and you say "Yes" beforehand, there goes a lot of motivation.
And regarding those who're somewhat a Christian, or of
a different denomination,
remember: “How can two walk together lest they be agreed.” Sound advice
also, because if your partner is only somewhat a Christian, or doesn't
hold to the same beliefs, or only
some, issues lie in wait, and you’re not fully pulling together in your marriage.
If
you jump the gun in both senarios (entering into a relationship beforehand, or
marrying beforehand), they could let you down, drag you off
your Christian
chair, deprive you of greater blessings.
Yes, best
you simply just
maintain that friendship until they become a Christian too, and
a fully committed one who's on the same path, same page.
Check out my poem That Solomon Syndrome which is found in the orange box titled King David.
9. Never Date The Unconverted, Nor Insult God Twice
God said don’t but you did, and now you’re dating a non-believer, “Sorry God,”
And funnily enough, you bring them to church with you — no, there’s no lightning rod.
But God clearly unhappy, because He said don’t and you did, “Sorry God,”
And you both sitting there as large as life in His house — no, there’s no lightning rod.
Thus God’s forbearance emboldening you, He not having zapped you, nor would He,
But He shaking His head at your gall, for you’re professing Christianity.
Yes, His Word said don’t but you did, and why now you’re hoping that He’ll bless your wrong,
Because that worldly person that you shouldn’t be dating you have brought along.
Imagine an Israelite and Philistine doing this back in time. Ding dong!
So there they sit in God’s very house, thus mocking His biblical instruction,
Because His Word said don’t and you did, you bedazzled by worldly seduction.
And though God may attempt to bring good out of bad, you’ve still insulted Him, ay,
Bringing a worldly boyfriend into His house, a real cheek, for what did God say?
Such not how He intended non-believers be converted, obviously.
And you still keep doing it rather than break that wrong relationship — oh dear —
Determined to have what He said you shouldn’t, but, “Please convert Him, Lord” — oh dear —
It all back to front and upside down, because God said don’t and you did — oh dear —
And what a risk, your eyes fixed on the earthly and not eternity — oh dear —
And why such relationships seldom come to good, more oft fail, bad fruit bear.
When God says don’t you don’t, simple as that, thus your bringing them to church a sin,
Because you’re doing what you shouldn’t be doing, and why Satan’s seen to grin.
Cant you see? It’s a double whammy! You laughing in God’s face, effectively,
And hoping that He’ll convert that forbidden one, leave you smiling sweetly.
Okay, so your boyfriend is interested in knowing more about God? Great!
But he shouldn’t be your boyfriend — just a friend — but oh, how Christians love to date;
And that’s fine, one might say, if they date another Christian, but what did you do?
You picked an unconverted soul, a worldling, despite what your Saviour told you.
Yes, you’re a professing Christian, and a follower of Jesus, or so you say,
For here, you’ve effectively told Him to bud out, that here, you’ll do things your way.
“But I’ll bring them to church so You can convert them” — oh, hypocrisy reeking —-
The unconverted considered a better catch, and the world smugly peeking.
That’s right,
Tell the world it needs God, then date someone who really doesn’t know Him — oh dear —
Tell the world it’s got it all wrong, then go and join them in foolishness — oh dear —
Point the world to God’s Word, but tell them to take it with a grain of salt — oh dear —
Yes, tell them God can work miracles, answer prayer, but sometimes not here — oh dear —
And it no wonder if He doesn't, when others show the same lack of faith here.
No, never date the unconverted, nor insult God twice via having done so,
'Cause you take them to church like you would a partner, when far better you should know.
Please, no excuses, for there simply aren’t any, and logic itself conveys
That it’s all back to front and upside down, a double whammy that wrongly weighs.
It’s that God-says-but-I-think mentality, desire coming before duty,
You having given your heart to Christ, supposedly, but not fully, clearly.
Part of it gone to some forbidden suitor, you thus stirring God’s jealousy,
And declaring to all that when it comes to God’s will, you’re not in harmony.
For God said, “Don’t be unequally yoked,” but you playing with such, tauntingly,
It that halfway, in-between stage, and as to where it ends — well, I guess we’ll see.
But should they become a Christian, you’ve still witnessed falsely, encouraged others,
Who, should they take that same path, might no longer be seen midst their fellow brothers,
Or sisters.
Yes,
Call people out of darkness, then go and tread where angels wouldn’t dare — oh dear —
Tell them to come into line with God’s holy standards, but from some veer — oh dear —
Tell them that you know a far better way, but then their errant path share — oh dear —-
Or just admit you’re a poor example, take it to the Lord in prayer — oh dear —
For what did He say?
And sadly, when God manages to bring good out of bad, and fair enough too,
The flip side is that such is oft seen as an endorsement when that’s hardly true.
And so, good they’ve come to church, but bad circumstances, and there will be a cost,
Even should they become converted, and thus like you, via baptism be washed...
Well, not quite, part of the world still clinging to you, and that arm around your waist,
And possibly a certain intimacy was shared when God wanted you chaste.
Only kisses, maybe, but such things only meant for one man, (or woman), but no,
And why God said to flee youthful lusts, for oh dear, how things much further soon go.
Such why God has erected a fence, and behind it you should stay, wait and see,
For his or her interest in God may be feigned, soon shelved come matrimony.
But why not wait on the Lord, impatience a curse, and oft earthly desires too,
And why many date the unconverted, insult God twice, which they shouldn’t do.
In summary: When God says don’t He doesn't mean do, nor that it’s up to you,
And taking them to church won't clear you of sin, for that union is still askew.
Therefore, as far as wrong goes, don’t go there in the first place, for wrong will multiply,
And success won’t erase the wrong, your faulty witness, nor that path justify.
By Lance Landall
“ ‘Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?’ ” (Luke 6:46, NIV).
"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin"
(James 4:17, ESV).
“You
cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons. You cannot
partake of the table of the Lord and the table of demons. Shall we
provoke the Lord to jealousy…” (1 Cor 10:20-22, ESV).
"Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness..." (2 Tim 2:22, KJV).
“You
were taught to put away your former way of life, your old self, corrupt
and deluded by its lusts, and to be renewed in the spirit of your
minds, and to clothe yourselves with the new self, created according to
the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph 4:22-24).
"Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth..." (1 Peter 1:22, NIV).
"Do
not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with
darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a
believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there
between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the
living God...Therefore, come out from them and be seperate, says the
Lord..." (1 Cor 6:14-17, NIV).
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3, KJV).
"For
the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine.
Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a
great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths"
(2 Tim 4:3,4, NIV).
" 'You are the salt of the earth, but if
salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no
longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under
people's feet' " (Matt 5:13, ESV).
10. Just A Christian By Birth
You’re a Christian and a certain boy comes along. You shouldn’t go there but you do,
And then it’s a steady relationship, he saying reassuring things to you.
Yes, he believes in God, (he says), will go to church with you, check out your beliefs too,
But will he go all the way? Because he’s been in the world, down the wrong avenue,
Just A Christian by birth.
Yes, you shouldn’t go there but you do, fall in love, and you compromising, of course,
Not waiting to see if he will come through, a bit like jumping on any old horse.
Next you’re married, he not at church with you much-cum-hardly a Christian,
’Cause you were his real desire and not the Lord, but you weren’t wise and wouldn’t listen,
And what’s he doing now?
By Lance Landall
11. There's More To It Than Ones Conversion
When someone gives their life to Christ, wrong desires don’t automatically go,
Though there are many cases where a miraculous departure has been so.
But nevertheless why each Christian should choose their partner very carefully,
Lest their spouse still be struggling with something that could affect their marriage badly.
Yes, something they dare not mention like porn — and even worse, child porn — and you know,
They needing to steer well clear of such like an alcoholic should booze, for oh,
What a wicked thing, and porn being so addictive for many, who, sad to say,
May well return to such where not truly converted, or come some too hard day.
Or perhaps they’re carrying a sexual disease, one that could get passed on,
Both spouse and child the sad recipients of another promiscuous song.
And so it oft goes, someone having thought that one’s conversion would be enough,
Only to discover otherwise, and now, their marriage sliding in the rough.
All why one’s Christian walk should be a reality based one, sense prevailing,
Especially in this age where so many Christian marriages are failing.
And that unless it’s crystal clear that God’s saying to marry that very one,
That folk choose another, for who wants to live under clouds instead of the sun?
By Lance Landall
12. I Seek Your Help, Father
I seek Your help, Father, regarding my determined child who is much like me,
And who’s heading in the same foolish direction of repeating history.
I’ve said and done all I can, Father, too often and too strong, undoubtedly,
Thus not helping my own case, but a sense of helplessness is frustrating me.
I have her best interests at heart, Father, having learnt from my own mistakes,
Hence I more able to spot those self-serving suitors, opportunists and fakes.
But she’s convinced that I’m the one who’s blind, despite certain things that shout I’m right,
So please, Father, do something! Lest this unsuitable suitor, her future blight.
By Lance Landall
13. My Dear Daughter
God is a father, our father, who treasures us; we the apple of His eye,
His possession, He having created and redeemed us, and this being why
We shouldn’t give ourselves to just anyone who’s somehow caught our fallen eye,
Because God wants who’s best for us — and in your case, a sound spiritual guy.
And hey, haven’t you professed that you’re a follower of Christ, been baptised too,
And thus surely walking in harmony with His will, what He has said to do,
And doesn't He know best? Hence why He isn’t satisfied with just anyone,
But a man who is more like how He wants him to be, an image of His Son.
It’s all been seen before, dear loaned child of mine — we His — yet sure we’ve chosen well
When we haven’t, picking from the world, and thereby, we reaping prophesied ill.
Yes, others having seen what we didn’t, and couldn’t, for love is blind, they say,
And more so where God’s will has been ignored, for that’s where Satan is seen to play.
We too impatient, lacking faith; though better single than marrying badly,
And where there’s children, things going from bad to worse, they suffering too, sadly.
Such less likely where we’ve chosen someone that God approves of, more sound and true,
And thus we the only fly in the ointment should our behaviour go askew.
And how you’re behaving now is a clue, and most likely that suitor’s past too,
So I’d ponder on these solemn words that many today don’t seem to want to,
Because what often begins with joy soon turns to sorrow, for in time is seen,
That both God’s advice and your Dad’s advice were both loving and wise, far from mean.
Neither wanting their child falling into the hands of the wrong one, or lesser one,
But both wanting the best for their child, and why dating outside His will I’d shun.
You’re His child first and always, indeed alone, and He both jealous and fussy,
And with a right to be, so don’t disappoint Him; it could kickback painfully.
Yes, that man letting you down, he less a knight and more a knave, and it too late,
You hurting now, not just both your Fathers who had lovingly said don’t or wait.
And oh, how that poor choice can impact on others too, such as our families,
Who may well have to put up with a son-in-law whose sad thoughts and ways won’t please.
By Lance Landall
14. When God Comes Second
You were first, Lord — well, kind of — until someone else came along, an earthly male,
And when he wanted to end their relationship, oh, what a very sad tale.
Yes, she pleading with him, and sobbing, “Please, please, I will do anything for you,”
But not anything for You, Lord, and she, acting like so many Christians do.
How crazy, Lord, Calvary and eternity dismissed conveniently,
And perilously, some flawed and fallen human thus treated as more worthy.
And all this but for a season in a world that can only deliver pain,
And why seeking our will instead of Your will, Lord, is nothing short of insane.
No, he not a Christian, but clearly treasured more than You, unbelievably,
Despite he unable to offer happiness untold for all eternity.
And she, Lord, seemingly unconcerned over such given her risking it all,
He pressing all her earthly buttons, selfish ambition the root of Eve’s Fall.
The question could be asked: Why was she ever a Christian? — well, kind of — for she
Was hardly fully surrendered given that You, Lord, were pushed aside for he.
Yes, it all started with that apple in Eden, Eve thinking that she knew best,
Until the folly of her self imposed loss-cum-heartache became manifest.
Yes, “Come out of the world,” You say, but she quite happy to marry a worldling,
And thus “Take the world but give me Jesus” not a song that she can truly sing.
Such sad but all too common, she even thinking they could walk in harmony,
When it was the world-cum-the unconverted that laughed at You on Calvary.
By Lance Landall
15. Just Saying
If you do get involved with a non-Christian, against sound advice and God’s will,
Do not indulge in intimacy, nor live with them, or marry them, until
Serious study with them has seen them become converted and committed,
’Cause once that line’s been breached, they’ve less incentive, a cost many have admitted,
That is, those who’ve jumped that fence, and soon found that boy or girl lost interest,
Or wasn’t that interested in God in the first place, and there went what’s best.
A Christian girl, say, losing heart given some man got what he wanted at no cost,
And thus God and church no longer on his mind, jumping the fence why all’s soon lost.
All how many Christians end up chucking things in, ’cause it’s a hard boat to row,
Their desires having got in the way of sense, and God not having said, "Go."
No, that fence there for a reason, he either accepting or rejecting, and
If rejecting, you remaining faithful to God, who another fish can land.
It’s better to be faithful to God than wrongly marry, or marry at all,
Thus God coming first no matter the thirst, lest dangerously we fall.
Too many having forsaken God for a partner that’s disappointed them,
And who effectively shipwrecked their faith, a path that God could only condemn.
So many walk away from God because of that bad experience they chose,
Despite God having warned of such, but oh, how the rebellious heart better knows.
God watching helplessly, as it were, some lucky, most not, but that’s how it goes,
And how in time the foolishness of jumping that fence (that tests both of them) shows.
By Lance Landall
16. Listen To Your Dad, Son
I'd mind the wife you choose, son, for here, great care is needed,
As many have paid the price when such counsel they’ve not heeded.
It’s far from a little matter who you choose to be your wife,
Therefore, watch that youthful passion, lest pain soon engulf your life.
It’s far better to stay single than to make a big mistake
By marrying a woman that God wouldn’t want you to take.
Plus, God will not bless a union that runs counter to His will,
A union that you seem set on, despite Him warning it’ll bring ill.
It’s been said that love is blind, and so often that has proved true,
So give this lots of thought, lest you end up with someone you’ll rue.
You wouldn't be the first, son, and you'll certainly not be the last
To set your eyes and heart upon, one whom your arms should never clasp.
And the same goes for a woman, lest she too, make a mistake,
By taking for a husband, one God wouldn’t want her to take.
Both Christian men and women, should trust and wait upon the Lord,
Who when the right time is ready, that trust in Him will reward.
Yes, have faith in your Creator, who knows who will suit you best,
For those who let the Lord lead them, with the right one will be blest.
To ignore what God has said, via His Word or those He has sent,
Could well mean that in the future, your foolish choice you’ll lament.
Please listen to your father, son, for I’m a male just like you,
I know the way you’re feeling, for I have felt the same way too.
But one must be objective when one is thinking of a wife,
Lest the physical, or emotional, wrongly affect your future life.
Yes, listen to your father, son, for I’ve learnt a thing or two,
Having seen so many men tumble, once unchecked desire grew.
For some it’s been adultery, for others, 'twas simply lust,
But somewhere, we all come unstuck, when in God we cease to trust.
Loving wisdom fills the pages of that guide book God has sent,
Which much pain, many could have spared, who contrary to it went.
For by putting trust in self, rather than in the saving Word,
We soon find that what we thought best, simply future problems stirred.
You may be tired of hearing things that I state to spare you ill,
But such you should consider, son, if you wish that all go well.
Many fathers when they were younger such advice chose to spurn,
And now, are warning their own sons, lest they too, the hard way learn.
Yes, fathers are human too, son, but good fathers try their best
To spare their children sadness found in many a marital nest.
Therefore, take that time that is needed to ensure that your choice
Will meet the Lord’s approval, for that way, you will soon rejoice.
It’s okay to be single, son, though a partner most would love,
But leave that big decision in the hands of the Lord above.
Yes, keep your mind upon Him, and live according to His Word,
And He will do the scouting, for your wish He has clearly heard.
She’s simply just one woman, son, there are many more worldwide,
So, let the Lord who knows each one, the right one for you provide.
It’s the same regarding men, for there are many of them too,
That God picks for faithful women, and I’ve hoped one might be you.
By Lance Landall
“Rejoice,
young man, while you are young, and let your heart cheer you in
the days of your youth [appreciation of the blessings of life]. Follow
the inclination of your heart and the desire of your eyes [legitimate
desires and needs], but know that for all these things God will bring
you into judgment” (Eccl 11:9).
“...An
unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please
the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of the
world—how he can please his wife—his interests are divided [it is by
dedicating our single years to God that we receive His wisdom regarding
a life partner (Prov 19:14). It’s God who knows best who would be right
for us, and when that relationship should take place]” (1 Cor 7:32-33,
NIV).
“Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov 19:14, NKJV).
“A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” (Prov 12:4, NIV).
“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (Prov 21:9, NIV).
“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness…” (2 Tim 2:22, KJV).
“A gracious woman gets honor, but she who hates virtue [moral excellence, sexual purity] is covered with shame”
(Prov 11:16).
“Also that the women should dress themselves modestly and decently in suitable clothing...as is proper for
women who profess reverence for God” (1 Tim 2:9,10).
“Say
to wisdom, “You are my sister,” And call understanding your nearest
kin, That they may keep you from the immoral woman...” (Prov 7:4,5,
NKJV).
“...for I promised you in marriage to one husband, to present you as a chaste virgin to Christ…” (2 Cor 11:2).
“For
this is the will [desire] of God, your sanctification [holiness – the
work of a life time]: that you abstain from fornication [illicit sexual
intercourse (or general sexual activity) between unmarried persons. Can
also refer to illicit sexual intercourse (or general sexual
activity) between persons other than spouses]; that each one of you
know how to control your own body in holiness and honor, not with
lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one
wrong or exploit [take advantage of] a brother or sister in this
matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, just as we
have already told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God did
not call us to impurity but in holiness. Therefore whoever rejects this
rejects not human authority but God, who also gives His Holy Spirit to
you”
(1 Thess 4:3-8).
“...but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb 13:4, NKJV).
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [thus it is biblically forbidden for a Christian to marry a non-believer]..."
(2 Cor 6:14, ESV). Note also 2 Cor 6:15,17.
“...And what does the one God desire? Godly offspring…[hence 2 Cor 6:14]” (Mal 2:15).
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed [Christian marriages should be entered into only
between partners who share a common faith]?” (Amos 3:3, KJV).
Dating:
Do you realize that dating, as we know it today, is not a biblical concept?
Let’s look at why dating is not appropriate for the Christian:
God’s Word counsels the married person to please their partner, but counsels the single person to concentrate on pleasing the Lord (1 Cor 7:32-34). That’s where God wants a single persons energy directed. With dating, the attention of the young man and woman is directed toward each other. Thus their focus is taken away from God and the duties He wants them to perform on His behalf while they’re free to do so — in other words, not tied down with the additional responsibilities of marriage. It’s by dedicating our single years to God that we receive His wisdom regarding a life partner (Prov 19:14). Such wisdom enables us to establish the strong foundations necessary for a successful and happy marriage. It’s God who knows best who would be right for us, and when that relationship should take place.
The motive behind dating is one of getting, not giving. Getting, in this realm, is more in keeping with lust. Love, on the other hand, seeks to give, without expecting anything in return (1 Cor 13:4-7). The motive behind dating is personal pleasure. Most people realize and accept that dating is a temporary romantic relationship. Thus dating encourages the selfish and destructive ‘try before you buy’ mentality, which leaves many hurt and misused in its wake [path] (1 Thess 4:3-8). For most, dating invariably leads to intimate behaviour that is reserved for marriage alone (2 Cor 11:2; 1 Cor 7:1,2,9; 6:18; 1 Thess 4:3-8; Heb 13:4; Prov 11:16; 7:4,5; 5:3-5; Matt 5:28).
Therefore, let’s look at the risks and common destructive results of dating —
Sexual temptation; wrong sexual expectations and demands; sexual abuse; date rape; unwanted pregnancies; fatherless children; epidemic sexual diseases; wounded hearts; hurting parents; damaged relationships and futures; guilt; unfair expectations and demands in general; loss of dignity and self respect; angry accusations; jealousy; suicide; the possible burden of child maintenance; friends taking sides; wasted opportunities, etc, etc. Is it any wonder then, that dating often forms the basis for conflicts in marriage. Ask yourself the following: How would you feel walking past someone in the street that you know your spouse previously was sexually intimate with? Would your relationship feel quite so special? Would you feel cheated? Would your spouse still have feelings for that person? Might they turn to them for sympathy during a rocky patch in your marriage? How would you feel about someone who, having previously been intimate with you, passed the details around, and derogatorily so? Or about your spouse, if it had been them? How would you feel about your spouse comparing you [either openly or in their thoughts] with previous sexual encounters that they had had? Would you feel secure? Could you settle easily into a lifelong relationship, after having had a variety of intimate experiences with others? Could your spouse, if it was them? How would you feel if you were the cause of your spouse suffering a sexual disease because of your past promiscuity? How would you feel about someone, as a result of your previous sexual activity, turning up at your doorstep claiming to be your child? Given where dating leads, how responsible, intelligent or loving is such a concept, especially where younger people are involved. How can we expect young people to have the depth of maturity needed for such a potential mine-field as dating. At the age most young people date, their hearts are ruled more by their hormones than good sense. Hence the early marriages that end disastrously. Is it any wonder then that we are faced with the serious problems that dating has created. When we accept, allow, encourage or expect our youth to date, what else can we expect? So if dating is not appropriate for the Christian, what should the Christian do?
Okay, let’s look at the how and why of courtship:
When courting, the couple do not go out alone as they would when dating. This helps to prevent the many pitfalls and hidden agendas that can occur when regularly spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex. Courtship is carried out in the company of the families involved. This is achieved via planned activities. This way they are both able to learn what each other is truly like, because no one knows them better than their parents, siblings or relations. In such a setting, with all the interaction that takes place, their character traits and general behaviour are more easily observed. Thus a more correct picture can be formed, allowing them to make a better judgment. It’s very common for someone to hide things about themselves that they don’t want the other person to know. Good behavior can be feigned. With family members around, that is less likely. The family members can also guide them in their judgment. There’s nothing like collective wisdom or the wisdom that comes from many years of personal experience. Such, helps to protect them from unsuitable partners. This is how the Lord can guide them in their choice of a lifetime partner (Matt 19:5,6; Rom 7:2-4; 2 Cor 11:2; Mal 2:14-16; Prov 2:17). And the best partner is the one that God leads us to. Courtship helps to keep them morally pure in their thoughts and actions until the time when they tie the knot with the right life long partner (Eccl 11:9; Job 31:1; 1 Thess 4:3-8; 2 Cor 11:2). Have you ever had a sneaky look at your Christmas present before Christmas. When you finally get to open it, it just doesn’t have that same zing does it? It’s like that when we play around before marriage. There’s nothing more special, more deeper, than having an intimate lifelong relationship with someone, who like you, has never had such a relationship with anyone else, nor intends to. God wants us to have that kind of relationship with Him. He’s a jealous God, and rightly so.
Sources available.
Note: More poems are under the following study guide.
Marriage And Divorce
Clarifications (where not
any of my own) have been drawn from various available sources.
“Then the Lord God said “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man He made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man [Adam] said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken [the woman was formed for inseparable unity and fellowship of life with the man]’ ” (Gen 2:18,22,23).
“ ‘And said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one’? So they are no longer two but one… [Gen 2:24, KJV reads “cleave” — permanently glued together]’ ” (Matt 19:5,6, RSV).
Who should a Christian turn to regarding a marital partner?
“...but a prudent wife [or husband] is from the Lord” (Prov 19:14, NIV). Note also 1 Cor 7:32-34.
Can Christians marry non-Christians?
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers… [thus it is biblically forbidden for a Christian to marry a non-believer]” (2 Cor 6:14, ESV). Note also 2 Cor 6:15,17.
Is it
wise, or even right, for a Christian to marry a Christian
whose faith [denomination] is
different?
“Can
two walk together, except
they be agreed [therefore,
Christian marriages should be entered into only between partners who
share a common faith]?” (Amos 3:3, KJV).
Can
a person have more than one marital partner?
“For
I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband,
to present you as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Cor 11:2, ESV).
“ ‘So they are no longer two but
one flesh…’ ” (Matt 19:6, ESV).
The first recorded case of polygamy [more than one wife/husband at the same time] is mentioned in Genesis 4:19. This was carried out by Lamech who was from Cain’s lineage. His bad example soon influenced the descendants of Seth. Those who violated the one flesh principle by taking more than one wife paid a high price for their foolish transgression.
Should
a person who is single begin their marriage as a virgin?
“...since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin…”
(2 Cor 11:2, ESV).
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote [questions the Corinthian church
had asked Paul]: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations
with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual
immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own
husband [Intimacy is for
marriage alone]. But if they cannot exercise self-control,
they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion [Paul
advises those who have undue difficulty in keeping their sexual desires
under control, to marry rather than be constantly subjected to the
excitement of unsatisfied desire. Paul was addressing a particular
situation in Corinth where immorality abounded. He was not treating
marriage in general]” (1 Cor 7:1,2,9, ESV).
“For this is the will [desire]
of God, your sanctification [holiness
– the work of a life time]: that you abstain from fornication
[illicit sexual
intercourse (or general sexual activity) between unmarried persons];
that each one of you know how to control your own body in holiness and
honor, not with lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;
that no one wrong or exploit [take
advantage of]
a brother or sister in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in
all these things, just as we have already told you beforehand and
solemnly warned you. For God did not call us to impurity but in
holiness. Therefore whoever rejects this rejects not human authority
but God, who also gives His Holy Spirit to you” (1 Thess 4:3-8).
“...but fornicators
and adulterers God will judge” (Heb 13:4, NKJV).
“Flee also youthful
lusts: but follow righteousness…” (2 Tim 2:22, KJV).
“ ‘I have made a covenant
with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin [love can always wait to give,
lust can never wait to get (1 Cor 13:5)]?’ ” (Job 31:1,
ESV).
Note also Rom 6:12; 13:14; 1 Peter 2:11; Gal 5:16,19; 1 Cor 6:18; Eph
5:3; 1 Cor 5:11, KJV; Rev 21:8; Rom 6:13, KJV.
Is
anything within the marital relationship permissible?
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed
be undefiled [this
refers to wrongful
sexual conduct within the marriage. Only when marriage is perverted to
serve unworthy purposes does it lose the quality of being honourable.
The marital bed is not to be degraded by turning it into an instrument
for the gratification of base lust]...” (Heb 13:4, ESV).
For
how long did God intend married couples to remain married, and how does
God feel about
anyone
encouraging a married couple to end their marriage?
“ ‘…Therefore what God
has joined together, let
man not separate’ ” (Matt 19:6, NIV).
What
is this lifelong marital relationship called in Scripture?
“Who has left the partner of her [or
his] youth and ignored the covenant she made before God
[“covenant” — a solemn
promise, commitment, agreement, that is never meant to be broken]”
(Prov 2:17, NIV).
“...the
Lord was witness to the covenant between you and the wife of your
youth...she is your companion and your wife by covenant [“witness” — for the Christian, a
marriage commitment is to God as well as to the spouse]”
(Mal 2:14, RSV).
a) A covenant — is based on trust between parties; is based on unlimited responsibility; can not be broken in new circumstances; is forever; engages persons; is witnessed by God as guarantor.
b) A contract — is based on distrust; is based on limited liability; can be voided by mutual consent; is for a stipulated
period; engages peoples service; is witnessed by people/state as guarantor.
For
how long did the apostle Paul understand married couples were to remain
married?
“Thus a married
woman is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives
[the marriage bond is
sacred and unchangeable];
but if her husband dies she is discharged from the law concerning the
husband. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives
with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies
she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an
adulteress” (Rom 7:2,3, RSV).
Where
did Paul get his understanding from regarding the permanence of
marriage?
“To the married [Christians
that are already married] I [Paul] give this
charge [command]
(not I but the Lord):
the wife should not separate from her husband” (1 Cor 7:10, ESV).
“ ‘… Therefore what God
has joined together, let
man not separate’ ” (Matt 19:6, NIV).
If
separation does in fact occur, what is the married person to do?
“But if she [or he]
does [separate],
she must [or he]
remain unmarried
or else be reconciled
to her husband [or wife.
Paul recognized that sometimes separation may be inevitable, that even
a Christian husband or wife can make
marriage intolerable for
the other partner (e.g. violence)]. And a husband [or wife] must not divorce
his wife [or husband]”
(1 Cor 7:11, NIV).
How
does God feel about the marital relationship being dissolved?
“You ask, “Why does He [the
Lord] not [accept
their hypocritical offerings]?”
Because the Lord was a witness between you and the wife of your youth,
to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your
wife by covenant. Did not one God make her? Both flesh and
spirit
are His. And what does the one God desire? Godly offspring. So look to
yourselves, and do not let anyone be faithless to the wife of his
youth. For I hate
divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and
covering one’s garment with violence [thereby investing yourself with
wickedness and its consequences], says the Lord of hosts.
So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless [in other words, commit divorce]”
(Mal 2:14-16).
“...And a husband [or wife] must
not divorce his wife [or
husband]” (1 Cor 7:11, NIV).
Divorce is clearly condemned by Christ. Divorce is a departure from the creation ordinance, and is not of divine origin.
Divorce contravenes the law of marriage (Rom 7:2-4). God warns that divorce is a problem, not a solution. God’s laws against divorce and remarriage are designed to protect our happiness, not to restrict it.
What
does Scripture say in regards to adultery?
“You shall not commit
adultery [one
must respect and honour the bond upon which the family is built, that
of the marriage relationship, which to the Christian is to be as
precious as life itself]” (Ex 20:14, ESV).
“…‘Anyone
who divorces
his wife and marries another woman commits adultery
against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another man,
she commits adultery’ ” (Mark 10:11,12, NIV).
“ ‘...and he who marries a woman divorced from
her husband commits
adultery’ ” (Luke 16:18, ESV).
“...but fornicators
[illicit sexual
intercourse (or general sexual activity) between unmarried persons or
between persons other than spouses] and adulterers [illicit
sexual intercourse (or general sexual activity) between persons other
than spouses. Can also be seen as a relationship with some one other
than your spouse that involves any mental or physical inappropriate
interest or activity. All sexual relationships outside of marriage
undermine the family union and fabric of society] God will judge”
(Heb 13:4, NKJV).
“...let none be
faithless to the wife of his youth…” (Mal 2:15, RSV).
“...you shall not covet
[desire, lust after]
your neighbor’s wife [or
husband]…” (Ex 20:17, NIV).
“ ‘But I [Christ]
tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed
adultery with her in his heart [such
behaviour is a serious violation of God’s marital concept of a
one-woman man or one-man woman (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:5,6; 1 Tim 3:2; 5:9)]’
” (Matt 5:28, NIV).
What
suffers as a result of divorce?
“...And what does He [God]
desire? Godly
offspring…” (Mal 2:15, RSV).
Divorce is almost always more devastating for the children than their parents. Some 60 per cent felt rejected by at least one of the parents. Half entered adulthood as worried, self-deprecating and angry. Both sexes had problems in establishing and maintaining love relationships, with close to 40 per cent needing relationship therapy. Every child had a fear of rejection, of repeating their parents failure, of betrayal and developed a lifelong vulnerability to the experience of loss. Time didn’t heal wounds; recovery cannot be presumed. Research demonstrates that boys take longer to adjust in a divorce situation. They exhibit more antisocial behaviour and react badly to the loss of a father, especially if it occurs in their late teens. Girls are more likely to develop attention-seeking behaviour and sexual experiences. Five years after divorce, children can still suffer moderate to severe depression. Emotional stress reactions such as regression, sleep and appetite disturbance, embarrassment, guilt and withdrawal occur in all children following a separation. Sexual promiscuity, delinquency, drug abuse, stealing, alcoholism, learning difficulties, intense anger, apathy, and chronic unhappiness are all part of the price our children are paying for their parents divorce. The family is too fundamental a unit of society to be tampered with.
Satan, who realizes the importance of —
1) marriage,
2) the lifelong marital covenant, and
3) the family unit,
has attempted to destroy all three of these.
He has attempted to destroy the institution [the established order] and sanctity [the purity, holiness] of marriage, and the “one flesh” principle by —
1) Cohabitation [unmarried couples living together]; Premarital sex [sexual activity with one or more persons before marriage]; Bigamy [having two wives at the same time], or Polygamy [more than two wives at the same time. A person cannot become “one flesh” with more than one spouse].
Satan has attempted to replace the lifelong marital covenant with —
2) The secular [worldly] civil [state] contract which can be ended at any time through a legal procedure; Prenuptial agreements [a legal agreement made before the marriage takes place] which lay out specific conditions under which they agree to their marriage ending [e.g. if one partner doesn’t live up to certain expectations (listed) of the other partner]. Such agreements provide an escape route from the marriage, which indicates a flaw in their commitment to each other. The lifelong marital covenant on the other hand ensures a committed working together on any problems that may occur so that the marriage can be kept in tact.
Satan has attempted to break up the family unit [as well as the marriage] by —
3) Divorce [which leaves individuals badly damaged in its wake (especially children), along with society. Contrary to what is often thought, divorce is not a short-term crisis]. Sadly, he has been largely successful, aided by the very ones who should know better — Christians, who have not been adhering to God’s Word.
If
a couple divorce, and enter into marriage with new partners, can they
remarry their former partner if both have since become divorced from
their new partners?
“If a man marries a woman
who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent
about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her
and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she
becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her
and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her
from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband,
who divorced
her, is
not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled.
That
would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin
upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance [not to remarry former
‘remarried’ wife, as divorce in such a case would become a legal form
of committing adultery]” (Deut 24:1-4, NIV).
“
‘If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man,
should he return to her again? Would
not the land be completely
defiled?...’ ” (Jer 3:1, NIV).
Did
divorce originate from God?
“Jesus
replied, ‘Moses
permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts
were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning [Christ’s
concern was to counteract the prevailing trend of easy dissolving
marriages. This He did by reaffirming God’s creational intent for
marriage to be a sacred, lifelong union]’ ” (Matt 19:8,
NIV).
But what about the exception clause?
“But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt 5:32, NIV).
Clarification: It can be eloquently argued that the exception clause (except for adultery - porneia) actually refers to incest and not adultery.
Here's a very brief outline of that argument:
1) Where adultery has occurred, marriages can be repaired and restored where there’s repentance, forgiveness, and where the two are committed to that end, and such is what God desires. Divorce is bad for everyone, and simply creates a different set of problems. So why would God allow such except for something that made a marriage untenable, like incest.
2) It was Moses who permitted divorce. Such was a mere concession to human rebellion, what was already occurring.
3) God has stated that He hates divorce.
4) Such contradicts the Apostle Paul’s total prohibition of divorce.
5) God told Hosea to take back his adulterous wife. This paralleled God’s relationship with wayward Israel.
6) The Pharisees dispute with Christ occurred in Perea which was governed by Herod Antipus who married his brother’s wife — such considered an incestuous relationship. (Lev 18:16; 20:21). Maybe the Pharisees were trying to trick Christ into saying something that would get Him in trouble.
7) There are no suggestions in the Pentateuch that sexual misconduct made divorce permissible.
8) If Christ had allowed divorce for adultery, He surely would have used the Greek term “Moicheia” as was His custom when describing the outcome of divorce and remarriage.
9) A study of the Jewish setting, historical, geographical background, along with the context of Matthew 19:1-12, suggests that Christ only permitted divorce where incest had occurred.
10) It appears that Mark and Luke omitted the exception clause because their audience (Gentile Christians) were far less likely to marry a near relative than the Jews.
11) Paul demanded that a Christian who’d married his stepmother be expelled from the membership (1 Cor 5:1-5; Lev 18:6-8).
12) If Christ had allowed divorce for adultery, He would have contradicted His rejection of the Mosaic provision of divorce being against His creational plans for the permanence of the marriage union (Matt 19:8; Mark 10:11,12; Mal 2:14).
What
does the apostle Paul say, but not God, in regards to divorce and
Christians married to non-Christians?
“To
the rest I say this (I,
not the Lord):
If any brother has a wife who is
not a believer and
she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce
her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer
and he is
willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving
husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife
has been sanctified through her believing husband… [if
the unbelieving spouse does not want to divorce, the believing partner
should not seek for it. The reason given for preserving that marriage
union is the sanctifying influence of the believing partner upon the
unbelieving spouse and children (1 Cor 7:14)]” (1 Cor
7:12-14, NIV).
What
does the apostle Paul say, but not God, in regards to separation and
Christians married to non-Christians?
“But
if the unbelieving
partner separates, let
it be so. In such cases the
brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1 Cor
7:15, ESV).
Can
God repair a damaged marital relationship?
“ ‘Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?’
” (Jer 32:27, ESV).
“...With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are
possible” (Mark 10:27, KJV).
Loving someone by committing yourself to wilfully act in his or her best interest is the key to a great relationship. Being “in love” with someone comes and goes; it is not the key to a great relationship. “Feeling in love” with someone is a fantastic experience, but it is also a shallow and unpredictable form of love. Successful relationships are those that learn to handle the ebb and flow of each person growing (and regressing) at different rates over time. The deepest kind of love is that which enables a person to be willing to hurt, even die, for the benefit of another.
How
should a man treat his wife?
“Husbands,
love your wives,
just as Christ loved
the church and gave Himself up
for her. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they
do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
After all, no
one ever hates his own body, but he feeds and cares for it,
just as
Christ does for the church” (Eph 5:25,28,29, NIV).
How
should a wife respond to her husband?
“Wives,
submit to your
husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of
the wife as Christ is head of the church, His body, of
which he is the
Savior [equal in worth
and being (Gen
1:27; Gal 3:28; Col 3:10,11), different in function (1 Cor 12; Eph
5:22, 23; 1 Tim 2:12-14; 1 Cor 14:34-36)]. Now as the
church
submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything [that is, of course, in everything that is in harmony with
the mind of God]. However, each one of you also must love his wife as
he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband” (Eph
5:22,23,24,33, NIV).
“...and submissive
to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited
[when
the New Testament talks about the importance of the subordination of
woman to man, it appeals to the order of creation in Genesis chapter
two (Eph 5:31; 1 Cor 11:8, 9; 1 Tim 2:13, 14), not to the curse of the
woman in Genesis 3:16]” (Titus 2:5,
RSV).
I think the following is from the book Rocking The Roles:
Marriage in a sense is an organization. Like all organizations, there are all kinds of human dynamics and relational forces at work. A roleless marriage closes its eyes to this fact. In a successful organization, members complement rather than imitate one another in their functions. Everyone has his or her task to do. Would you work for a company where no one is allowed to “take charge?” Would you send your child to a school where there were no designated teachers or principles? Would you live in a country with no government? On the other hand, who would want to be part of a system where everyone had to run the company, oversee the school, or handle the government? In a marriage the same organizational skills apply. Like any organization, large or small, a marriage can only succeed by accepting the timeless principle that the partners carry out complementary functions.
Nothing causes a man to be more unloving and irresponsible than a wife who refuses to submit herself to his authority. The one thing most likely to make a man desire to wander is a woman who fails to give him love and respect. The truth is, far more men leave home in search of respect and esteem than in quest of sexual pleasure.
The command to wives to obey husbands (Eph 5:22,24) speaks to the weakness particularly common in women to disregard the rules, and to the natural male concern with rules, with order. In the marriage setting, disobedience undermines the husband’s capacity to maintain commitment; to disregard authority is to remove his function and destroy his ability to carry out his responsibilities. Though much is expected of the women, more is expected of the man.
This study guide was updated 18 November 2018.
17. Why Husbands Will Never Fully Satisfy
Though many women are happily married, no husband will fully satisfy his wife,Such completion only found in Christ, who tender in pity, cares far more about one’s wife.
He well aware that women are more complex, unlike men who’re more easily satisfied,
Single-minded, practical, even mechanical-cum-less emotional, starry-eyed.
Yes, a man’s needs seemingly more simple, for give him food, sex and some absorbing hobby,
Not to mention a rewarding job, and as the saying goes, he’s as happy as Larry.
Now don’t get me wrong, for men do appreciate a loving and supportive wife by their side,
Though one who doesn't nag, for should she do so, a man will quickly become dissatisfied.
A woman should marry a man who’s a committed Christian, as his thinking’s less earthly,
And thus he — given the Spirit’s moving — less selfish, thoughtless-cum-focused on pleasing “me.”
Yes, his thinking having become broadened, enlightened, and thereby, he more able to see
That there’s far more to life than man caves, food, sex, a rewarding job and absorbing hobby.
But having said that, he’ll still not fully satisfy his wife, as far more complex she is,
Hence those feelings-cum-emotions and various needs of hers that are different to his.
However, where Christ reigns in the heart, harmony will exist between them-cum-unity,
Each embracing their complementary God-given roles and ways, for much clearer they see.
Hence that oneness that exists between them, they taking their union very seriously,
And such being why outside the marital bedroom they shouldn’t cast their eyes on nudity.
For those private places found on every body are an integral part of intimacy,
That oneness that nobody else should experience in any form until they marry.
God never intended that man have sex without an emotional attachment like now,
I here referring to fallen men who wildly sow their oats and thus to callousness bow.
For despite God making men and women different, Adam wouldn’t have been so detached,
And those differences less problematic, for oh, so much evil and strife Satan’s hatched.
All of which is why a husband will never fully satisfy, despite being a Christian,
For as with women too, perfection is found in no man, and thus each, sadly prone to sin.
But where one’s eyes are focussed on Christ alone, and not on self, marriage is a blessed thing,
Though seldom truly fulfilling for a woman, who only the praises of Christ should sing.
By Lance Landall
18. Very Messy
Mister Jones was married thirty years, then his wife died, and so he married again,Such very understandable given this world’s full of lonely women and men.
But on getting to Heaven, what will he do about those two wives, if both are there,
And what if he dies before his second wife, and bumps into his first wife up there,
Going by the view that the saved go straight to Heaven at death, which I don’t share?
And what about married men who have affairs, who’re intimate with someone else, and
There they are up in Heave, kind of like a second wife, which wasn’t what God planned?
Messy, huh? Yes, very messy, our God not into concubines, nor bigamy,
So, what exactly will happen when we get to Heaven we’ll have to wait and see.
Yes, what happens up in Heaven, and what happens on the renewed Earth, may well be
Two different things, the problem requiring a God wiser than humanity.
It complex to say the least, courtesy of fallen man, and the sad state of things,
That loss of a partner, that broken marriage, those forbidden sexual flings.
When we enter into a sexual union, a bonding takes place, and hence how
Two become as one; though it’s more like three, four, five, six, seven, and even eight now.
As for prostitutes, and those who frequent them — well, we’ve got a problem, haven’t we,
One that only God can fix, so things up there may not be quite like we think they’ll be.
So maybe Jesus has something else planned — well, meantime, possibly — until, that is,
We descend to the renewed Earth, marriage having been an institution of His.
Christ not into demolition, but restoration, Eden beginning again,
But hey, this time no chance of those same follies occurring between women and men,
Just two becoming as one — forever — as originally planned by the Son.
By Lance Landall
“ ‘For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage,
but are like angels in heaven’ ” (Matt 22:30, ESV).
“Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her?
For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh’ ” (1 Cor 6:16, ESV).
“And all these [faithful Bible heroes of all the ages], though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised [eternal life, immortality], since God had provided something better [much fairer] for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect [immortal. They will have to wait for the coming resurrection]” (Heb 11:39,40, ESV).
19. What'll God Do?
In God’s eyes, when we go to bed with someone, we become as one, as if wed,Yet many going to bed with many — and all this, despite what God has said.
So come Heaven (given how they’ve become as one with more than one), what’ll God do?
Because if you ask me, we’re looking at a conundrum, a mess, in my view.
I just can’t see Solomon getting all his wives back, and nor his concubines
And so, only God able to sort things out, His mind cleverer than our minds.
We possibly facing a surprise, ’cause God will have to do something alright,
Promiscuity and adultery having run riot, forsaken foresight.
By Lance Landall
20. A Wedding Poem
Yes, it was You, O God, who created humanity,And who also instituted Holy matrimony.
Hence why we’ve gathered in joyfulness and solemnity,
That two may become as one, married in the sight of Thee.
Yes, it was You, O God, who created male and female,
That sacred institution where selflessness should prevail.
Hence why we’ve gathered to wish them well, and to honour You,
Who’s a witness to those vows that are followed by “I do.”
So bless this union, Lord, may it truly witness of Thee,
A lasting covenant that’s built on love and loyalty.
Protect and nourish it, Lord, preserve it from blot or stain,
And within this willing bond, may peace and harmony reign.
By Lance Landall
21. The God Of Romance And Holy Passion
When God gave Adam a wife, it wasn’t meant to be a sterile relationship,And nor, I must mention here, was Eve to ever be Adam’s object of worship,
But simply someone to be loved as Christ loves us, though her, romantically so,
And hence why attentive, thoughtful, personal, deep affection Adam was to show.
Enter sweet poetical expressions (King Solomon knowing about such too),
And those intimate candlelit dinners for two with a beachy, sun-setting view.
Yes, I’m sure that Adam and Eve frolicked playfully in the garden of Eden,
And then quietly reposed to Earth’s sweet sounds midst other feelings stirring within.
Oh yes, a time for husband and wife to just focus on each other, and you know,
God responsible for it all, He having no problem with those soft lights that glow.
Nor, I’m sure, with pleasant, fitting music that enhances the mood, some place and time,
God the Creator of all things good — and to everything, a rhythm and rhyme.
But just so long as He’s not forgotten, thus gratitude welling up in our hearts,
God the creator of romance and intimacy, and all noble, refined arts.
A God who saw that all He'd made was very good, then said, “Go forth and multiply,”
Sterility hardly part of the equation, but holy passion from on high.
And there, where romance goes that one step further, God’s blessing abounds as much, and so
Nothing wrong with the sexual when it’s in line with those passages we should know.
The Song of Solomon balanced with both warning and instruction that makes it clear
Nothing good is to be defiled, and sex outside of marriage we’re not to share.
Yes, love does no wrong, nor thinks of just itself, and thus why all was well in Eden,
Eve dearly loved by God, cherished by Adam, whose every thought was without sin,
But both operating as God intended, their deep love for each other showing,
And so it can be today midst that mood-setting music and those candles glowing.
So let those sweet poetical expressions continue, those joyous surprises,
Those spontaneous acts of affection, and those little gifts, that God too, prizes.
He being the greatest lover of souls, the most generous giver of gifts, who,
When He created Adam and Eve, both romance and the sexual sanctioned too.
By Lance Landall
22. What Was Solomon Thinking?
All up, Solomon had a thousand women, a breakfast, lunch and tea affair,He picking and choosing, feminists having a field day, his selfishness clear.
He and these women hardly becoming as one, two halves that make up a whole,
But one half hording many halves, which from those woman, a completeness he stole.
Yes, his wisdom having got up and walked (in this case), pride and lust very clear,
Those poor women deprived of a meaningful relationship, listening ear.
“I’ll have you today,” kind of thing, they more like Hugh Hefner’s bunnies, objects, trophies,
Oh, the arrogance of such men, taking and doing with women what they please.
So much for them being equal in worth and being, and having their rights too,
That thousand women like herded sheep, and thus that ancient custom well askew.
Yes, God’s covenant oneness kicked out the door, pleasure and status on a throne,
Such but clear evidence of the Fall, a sad, out of control testosterone,
And nine hundred and ninety nine men without, perhaps, destined to be alone.
Such hardly a life for those women held captive in Solomon’s breeding pen,
And here, feminists having a right to feel disgusted — oh, the wrongs of men.
It somewhat like slavery, human trafficking, those women having no say,
But summoned to please a greedy man, whose wisdom here, just up and went astray.
Oh yes, the arrogance of men that women should be treated so, as if theirs,
They hardly refusing the king’s wishes, forced to, given the state of affairs.
Yet men not above women, and women not children to do as they’re told, so
What was Solomon thinking? It not about man’s way but God’s. Yet there we go.
By Lance Landall
23. "Husbands, Love Your Wives"
When God gave man (Adam) a woman (a wife), He intended that she be cherished,The command to love her being a reluctant imperative, willingness wished.
Yes, God wanting it all to come from the heart, a selfless love, a heroic love,
Like that exhibited on Calvary’s cross, and still being shown from above.
Thus each wife to be seen as a precious gift, an asset, blessing and equal,
She not to be lorded over, but consulted, so that his thought and care might thrill.
His love the measure of his manhood, whether he’s reflecting the Giver or not,
And she not his but God’s — simply loaned, as it were — a privilege man shouldn’t blot.
No, because hurt and harm here will only give rise to resentment and discontent,
Her feelings for him soon flickering, and of which, only nobleness can prevent.
She to be treated tenderly and sensitively, and placed on a pedestal,
His treatment of her exemplary, and thus thoughts on her behalf bound to fulfil.
His love for her also seen in restraint, his passions under control, and kindly,
Not rough or pestering — she loved for herself — his desires not acting blindly.
Every thought, word, and action a statement, and she never taken for granted;
Such ensuring that deep in her heart and memories fruitful seeds will be planted.
She thus having no regrets, her life enhanced by his presence, she not bound but free,
Her life her own, yet they as one, and seeking each other’s good and prosperity.
He her protector, she his balance, that good woman found behind each good man,
That together they might accomplish God’s mutually benefiting plan.
Yes, they two halves of an apple that’s not meant to be bitten by adultery,
That unfaithful wounding that injures as much as that betraying pornography.
His eyes only to be focussed on her, and she rebuffing any other eyes,
The moat and drawbridge of their castle protecting them both from some nasty surprise.
He her knight in chivalrous armour, protecting both her honour and dignity,
And showering her with daily affection, loving expressions and charity.
She thus having no reason to protest, but reason for joy; such God’s intention,
And if this had always been the way, these things I wouldn’t have needed to mention.
But mention them I have, because, men, you’re on notice, Jesus having seen it all,
And each woman very precious to Him, they a generous gift, and hence His call:
“Husbands, love your wives,” thus giving them no reason for genuine complaint, but praise,
That they may see God in you, give thanks for all those happy, self-denying days.
By Lance Landall
24. A Marriage Made In Heaven
Greatly blessed are the man and woman in a truly God centred marriage, whereThat same selfless, sacrificial love is seen that reflects God’s love, thought and care.
And greatly blessed are any children they have, who benefit from all that too,
And even more so where their own marriage has that same selfless, heavenly hue.
And this all what God intended when instituting marriage, that sacred bond,
Where nothing of a thoughtless nature was meant to cause a ripple in that pond.
Both husband and wife committed to the will of God, He captaining their ship
(Bristling with protective biblical principles, its wheel tightly in His grip).
Yes, God knowing the joy and happiness that His way brings, that heavenly key,
And access to a never-to-be-shared-with-anyone-else intimacy.
Marriage a sanctuary, a safe haven for both them and godly offspring,
Each vow having been witnessed by God from whom all things bright and beautiful spring.
And bright and beautiful are those marriages where God is in each couple’s heart,
Their hope and faith in Him, who, where given permission, creates a work of art.
A tapestry vibrant with divinely woven threads, Christ the head of that home,
Angels guarding the entrance of their citadel with its selfless, bespoke dome.
Husbands to love and cherish, wives to support and praise, neither bottom nor top,
But both being equal in worth and being, behind that duster, broom or mop.
God first, spouse second, and then any children, nothing allowed to come between,
In order that happily ever after may be that whole marital scene.
And should some lot afflict, no matter, hence “In sickness and in health,” love supreme,
That marriage built on a Rock and promise more secure than some romantic dream.
Such security not found in real-estate, nor riches, but a love that’s true,
There in both the good and bad times, like that love of God, to whom all glory’s due.
Yes, “For richer or poorer,” but richer each marriage is where God’s found there,
Hence that width and depth, that appropriate someone else to turn to come some tear.
Christ a confidante that all can trust, the great restorer, doctor who can heal,
The key of the morning and lock of the night where each couple is seen to kneel.
“How can two walk together lest they be agreed?” God’s Word questions, given that
United we stand, divided we fall, hence why unity is where it’s at.
Both husband and wife walking the same path, thus sharing the same beliefs and goal,
Neither working against the other in any way, God fully in control.
Oh, how it all rings true, self and folly why so many marriages soon fail,
God knowing what’s best, but we getting to choose, and hence that sad or happy tale.
But happy is what all desire, and God too, who looks at our eternal good,
And that of our offspring as well, and why doing things His way, is what I would.
That deep closeness between partners should resemble our closeness with Jesus, who
Not only yearns for such, but loves us even greater, all why what He went through.
Thus that union reflecting the love of God and beauty of Heaven, for all to see,
A marriage made in Heaven, signed and sealed on Earth, and giving God the glory.
By Lance Landall
25. Till Death Do Us Part
No, God doesn’t want marriages broken, for “I hate divorce” He says,And then He likens divorce to violence, as betrayal it displays.
And therefore, when two people get married, married they should always stay,
For such is what God intended be — and His will, Christians should obey.
Divorce just threatens the godly seed that God intended multiply,
And its impact within society is devastatingly high.
God doesn’t go leaving loopholes for any Christian to wriggle through,
And therefore, “Let no one separate,” is a warning to each spouse too.
Paul affirms what God has laid down, saying spouses shouldn't separate,
He knowing too, that divorce is something that more trouble will create.
And Paul also makes it clear that this instruction is straight from the Lord,
And not just from his own lips, and that therefore, it shouldn’t be ignored.
Continuing on, Paul states that if a parting does in fact take place,
That both of them should remain unmarried, or reconcile, by God’s grace.
Paul knew that certain circumstances such a parting might necessitate,
But that it is quite alright to divorce, Paul nowhere such chose to state.
And nor did Moses condone divorce — but rather, regulated it;
For divorce already existed — thus, its harm Moses sought to limit.
You see, women were oft being divorced over the most trivial thing,
And hence why some sort of protection and fairness Moses sought to bring.
So what about the exception clause found in Matthew five, thirty two?
Well, substantial evidence declares that the prevalent view isn’t true,
And that an incestuous marriage may be what our Saviour meant here;
Not adultery, that most traditionally believe and declare.
Marriage is a covenant that God only intended that death end,
Yes, a solemn sacred covenant that every Christian should defend,
For such is a promise, a commitment, witnessed by our Lord above,
Who thus instituted marriage to reflect His faithfulness and love.
Though ancient Israel was unfaithful all throughout its privileged reign,
God still took His people back even though they had caused Him grief and pain.
He wooed His adulterous people with untiring dedication,
Until they finally and totally spurned Him, and His revelation.
And If ever we're unfaithful to our loving God who reigns above,
And are sorry, He will forgive, take us back, embrace us with His love,
For the Lord is our example, and He wants Christians to act the same,
When someone that they love very dearly is unfaithful (causing shame).
Those solemn vows once commonly heard at a church when two folk were wed,
Every married couple should uphold, and at weddings should still be said,
For such vows represent a commitment that is neither marred nor flawed
By any legal clause or loophole over which a lawyer has poured.
Tell me, is your marriage in tatters, and has your spouse caused you deep pain?
Has the love that you first felt for them either gone or begun to wane?
Does it seem that your world has collapsed, and that it is falling apart?
Do you feel that all hope has gone, are you nursing a badly broken heart?
Well, nothing is impossible for the God who the universe rules,
For He is a healer and restorer who has all the skills and tools.
So just take your burden to Him — yes, all your heartache and your despair,
For though things may appear hopeless, there is always hope where there is prayer.
By Lance Landall
Recommended reading: Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
Theme: The love she most desires; The respect he desperately needs.
Based on Ephesians 5:33.
“You ask, “Why does He [the Lord] not? [that is, accept their hypocritical offerings].” Because the Lord was a witness between you and the wife of your youth [“Witness” — for the Christian, a marriage commitment is to God as well as to the spouse], to whom you have been faithless [divorced], though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did not one God make her? Both flesh and spirit are His. And what does the one God desire? Godly offspring. So look to yourselves, and do not let anyone be faithless to the wife of his youth. For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence [thereby investing yourself with wickedness and its consequences], says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless” (Mal 2:14-16).
“ ‘… Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate’ ” (Matt 19:6).
“Who forsakes the partner of her [or his] youth and forgets her sacred covenant ” (Prov 2:17).
“Thus a married woman is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives [the marriage bond is sacred and unchangeable]; but if her husband dies, she is [then] discharged from the law concerning the husband. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies,
she is free from that law, and if she marries another man, she is not an adulteress ” (Rom 7:2-4).
“To the married [Christians that are already married] I [Paul] give this command—not I but the Lord—that the wife should not separate from her husband [nor the husband from his wife] (but if she does separate, let her [or he] remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband [or the husband be reconciled to his wife. Even a Christian husband or wife can make marriage intolerable for the other partner e.g. violence]), and the husband should not divorce his
wife [nor the wife divorce her husband]” (1 Cor 7:10,11).
“...you shall not covet [desire, lust after] your neighbor’s wife [or husband]…” (Ex 20:17, NKJV).
“You shall not commit adultery” (Ex 20:14, NKJV).
“…‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery’ ” (Mark 10:10,11, NKJV).
“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for me? ” (Jer 32:27, NKJV).
“..With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible ” (Mark 10:27, KJV).
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. ” (Eph 5:25).
Note also, verses 28,29.
“...and a wife should respect her husband” (Eph 5:33). Note Titus 2:5.
26. Houston, We Have A Problem
Something's terribly askew — in fact, ironic, actually,Regarding so many Christian folk and Holy matrimony.
It seems that they can’t live together — that is, as husband and wife,
And hence why they’re filing for divorce, no longer married for life.
Well, so much for “Love your enemies” — well, they do battle, you know,
And sometimes dreadfully so — yes, even stooping to what is low.
It seems as if Christ’s clear instructions are just falling on deaf ears,
And that midst their dreadful squabbling, neither partner the Spirit hears.
Tell me, didn’t Christ die for sinners, including the vilest kind,
And didn’t He say that we're to love all, and more than once remind?
And didn’t He to say bear long with one another’s failings too,
And to repay evil with kindness, just like He himself would do?
So, why should it be any different when it comes to our wife,
Or our husband, and not just others who are involved in our life?
After all, our Saviour makes no such distinction, so why should we,
And doesn’t divorce just make a mockery of matrimony?
Tell me, what must the world think whenever a Christian marriage fails,
When selfishness, rather than selflessness, so wrongfully prevails?
When Christian partners sulk, demand, withhold, act very angrily,
And even very treacherously via acting unfaithfully?
We need to remember that God is also our father-in-law,
For we are His children, given in marriage, which He oversaw.
Therefore, how we treat His much loved son or daughter, matters greatly,
Because He never wants to see them being treated incorrectly.
We, (via the Spirit’s enabling), are to overcome trials, be they
Via marriage, family, friends, workmates, strangers; and even each day.
God never said that we can choose what trials He allows come our way,
Therefore, when you’re thinking of leaving, He may well be saying, “Stay.”
By Lance Landall
Marital Intimacy
Her husband creatively and tenderly kisses, caresses, explores and stirs her with a selfless intent that doesn't detract or distract,
so that she may experience the ultimate peak,
so that she may see that it’s an act of love and not lust,
so that he may leave her ever more convinced of the width, depth and breadth of the marital institution,
so that he may leave her ever more convinced of that lifelong oneness that was meant to be a blessing and not a burden.
God came to serve,
He seeks our best interests,
He wants to share the ultimate with us — the joys of eternity,
His blessings are many and varied,
He also wants to know how genuine our acceptance of Him is as Lord and Saviour,
He longs for that wedding banquet in Heaven with His chaste bride.
Her husband gently lies on top of her,
as if cloaking her exposed beauty,
as if shielding her protectively, and thus self sacrificially,
as if engulfing her with the very essence of his being-cum-love,
as if declaring his manly initiative.
God first loved us,
He sacrificed His life on our behalf,
He covers us with His robe of righteousness, and protective care.
And then, her husband duly and thoughtfully enters her,
that they may become as if interlocked in a special intimate oneness and bonding that no one else may share,
that he may claim her as the sole, undying object of his affection and care,
that they may become forever connected via the flesh and image of their offspring,
that he via his life-perpetuating seed may fulfil her natural maternal longing.
We’re the apple of God’s eye, the object of His affection (just as if we were His only child),
He wants us to enter into a oneness with Him that no one else will come between, a lasting relationship,
Our own children (via marrying a fellow believer) presenting Him with more godly children, which fulfils His desire.
Different sexual positions are up to the couple, but in all that's done, and even where there's fun, dignity and thought should always prevail.
Sex is everything to a man, part and parcel of his very nature, makeup. Sex is part and parcel of his creativeness, how he expresses himself, his love for his wife — his sexual feelings fueling his affection, even motivating it.
A man’s penis kind of reflects who and what he is (males being the seeker, sower), and hence why his penis can be a big deal to him (just like women can be very conscious of their breasts — hence those implants). This also has something to do with a man taking the initiative sexually, and thus rejection on his wife’s part, or failure to please her, discourages him, affects his manliness, and even sets him up for an affair.
Hence why the following should be noted:
"The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs" (1 Cor 7:3, NLT).
Therefore, if a wife says that sex isn’t a big deal to her, that she can take it or leave it, she not only insults her husband, but hits him where it really hurts — his manhood, makeup.
All this is why wives shouldn’t withhold sex at any time, and why they should always act (including dressing attractively) in ways that appeal to his sexual nature-cum-motor. In other words, in ways that work in sync with. Such making him feel more loving and caring towards her.
Failure to appreciate all this will lessen a man’s love and care for his wife.
The one thing that women must always bear in mind is that men are made and think very differently. Therefore, when wives don’t go by the manual, they’re all the less for it, because that manual is what brings out the best in men by which is intended greater benefit for wives.
To frustrate a man sexually, is to not only deplete him emotionally, lessen good health, subject him to temptation, but to also destroy his love and commitment.
The truth is, a man’s sexual makeup (visual radar) predisposes him to temptation at any time, be that an affair or the likes of pornography. Hence why a good wife will do all she can to mitigate such, thus protecting herself from ill too.
However, all the above does not excuse a lack of control on his part, nor sexual abuse of any kind. While sex means everything to a man, and is part and parcel of his very nature, makeup, it’s not where everything starts and ends, and therefore, must be seen in its context.
Upgraded 1 April 2019
27. Taking My Cue From Solomon
That entering and receiving that plays a part in marital intimacyReminds of how Christ wants to enter hearts that will receive Him just as openly.
And of how He also wants searching hands to explore His Word too, thus pleasing Him,
Whereby not just that cup of marital intimacy will be filled to the brim.
And so, God first loving us, planting that seed in our heart, all from which springs our love,
We thus connecting with others as He connects with us, we here and He above.
He the source, we the carrier of His love, that new birth that takes place within us,
And all why when others meet us they’ll hopefully exclaim, “You’re so like Jesus!”
And indeed we will be if we’ve a close and deep relationship with Him too, and
Remain faithful and true to Him, thus dismissing some fling with Satan out of hand.
We hardly two-timing Christ, that special intimacy being for Him alone,
As it should be in marriage, until that “ashes to ashes,” memorial stone.
Oh, those heavenly caresses, those daily expressions of God’s love — praise His name!
No one pleasing like Him, no one doing what He can, He not playing Satan’s game.
No, His thoughts pure, thus no lusty tendencies, but rather, a love that’s without fault,
All why on the door of our hearts, in order to keep Satan out, He wants a bolt.
And thus only Christ having an intimate relationship with us, no devil,
Whose callous hands and baleful seed leave us hurt and lonely, he not on the level.
No, no honesty there, no sincere intention, he as unfaithful as they come,
His child maintenance payments crippling us — yes, that price we pay being quite a sum.
But it’s not so with Christ, we able to feel safe in His arms, our best His mission,
And ’cause He’s been tempted like us, He’s able to put Himself in our position.
It’s no good going to Satan with our woes, because he’s the cause of them, mostly,
Unlike Christ who weeps with us, and points to a joyous, trouble free eternity.
And meantime we’ve that close and deep relationship, if we want it, ’cause Christ won’t force,
Unlike Satan who steals one’s spiritual virginity, such par for his course.
His callous hands and baleful seed the last thing that should defile our sanctuary,
That heart of ours, which should only be reserved for that heavenly intimacy.
Yes, marriage reflecting an intimacy that Jesus wants with us, close and deep,
That we may enter the joys of Heaven, and not some bitter disappointment reap.
That intimacy with Him being the greatest of intimacies, and why we
Should let Him enter our heart and have His way with us, receiving him happily.
By Lance Landall
