Husbands And Wives



My articles
Ten Commandment-like Rules For Husbands,
Men And Women, Their Differences, by Werner Neuer, and
Some Reasons Why Marriages Can Flounder And Fail
can be found after poem number 35 and 36.

"Your spouse is only your spouse by consent, not possession, and thus free to go
come any sign of oppression or aggression."

The poet, author



1.  A Spider Web

A marriage is somewhat like a spider web, made up of strands, and quite fragile,
Those strands being easily broken by what’s seen to thoughtlessly hurt or rile.
The web still attached, but holes appearing where strands once were, which need repairing,
And as soon as possible, or away from its anchors, the whole web tearing.

Yes, the marriage still operating with a few broken strands, but not as well,
The marital web having been weakened, and thus more susceptible to ill,
Like some opportunist, crisis, heightened stress, or loss, and thus more strands breaking,
Or the whole web struck down, and why risks, neither husband or wife should be taking.

A good web can weather much, depending on how well it’s spun, how strong it is,
But selfishness and callousness acting like wielded brooms, be they hers or his.
The bristles of those brooms breaking certain strands, or catching all in one foul swoop,
And how one way or another, love, affection and loyalty’s seen to scoot.

The truth is, that those webs are designed to hold what’s oft seen to go out the door,
Neither having truly been held in the grip of love, the build shoddy or poor.
Yes, it all coming down to those two human spiders, that husband and wife, who
Should build their web well, keep those strands intact, right from the moment they say, “I do.

By Lance Landall

2.  Marriage

A marriage is only as secure as a couple’s commitment and foresight,
That family unit too, and hence why vigilance is required day and night.
In other words, nothing should be taken for granted, but guarded jealously,
Love at the head of the table, and self left out in the cold, permanently.

Yes, marriage takes work, lots of it, and equal that effort should be, otherwise
That husband or wife will become disillusioned, and discontent will arise.
Therefore, both shouldering the load, working together calmly and patiently,
Thereby showing their kids how, ’cause they too, will marry and have family.

So, no voice being raised, nor hand, ’cause such will shatter the peace and harmony,
And down may come those castle walls, exposing and expelling, perilously.
Divorce a tragic thing, it dividing and conquering, thus causing much grief,
Both that lifelong union and family unit stolen by a common thief.

And that thief going by many names, though too often helped by some open door,
Sleepy, reckless or missing watchman (person), to whom effort became a chore.
Romance having given way to faultfinding, and arguments ensuing, sadly,
The rigours of marital life not having been attended to maturely.

And many a bride and groom going into marriage with glazed eyes and shut ears,
Thus hardly prepared and poorly informed, and why in time there’s copious tears.
There more to marriage than cuddles and sex, and sacrifice a less liked word, which
When missing from the marital scene, is seen to lessen rather than enrich.

A good marriage is a beautiful thing, that sweet, cheery and homely love nest,
And via which, friends, neighbours, strangers and society in general are blest.
Oh yes, husbands and wives, that male and female thing, that boy meets girl — yes, Take Two!
There no picture like it where rightly directed, and both the same goal pursue.

Yes, once life began, so too marriage, that man and woman union, family,
Which ever since has been the bedrock of every single society.
But dangers threatening such today, though the biggest danger of all would seem
That enemy too often found within — self — the spoiler of many a dream.

By Lance Landall

3.  And They Lived Happily Ever After

Now there’s a fairytale for you, happy ever after hardly the case here,
Marriage all about time, effort and selflessness, that far more love, thought and care.
And many Christians needing to hear this, their divorce rate not that far behind,
So much for forgiveness and love your enemy, ’cause the same issues we find.

Good marriages take work, and so it is with relationships in general,
Our workmates, neighbours, friends, family and so on, there being no magic spell.
But the world we live in running at the first sign of trouble, it just too hard
(Yes, that getting on with each other), thus the lives of millions shattered and marred.

At the end of the day, it’s all about working on things, such only the start,
A wedding not instant bliss, one learning as one goes, and many poles apart.
A wedding but the door, the rest of the marriage yet to be built, over years,
And the bigger the effort the better that house, which hardly comes without tears.

Yes, it’s all about sticking with it, having realistic expectations too,
And most of all, an unselfish spirit, one’s spouse coming first, and fairness due.
None of that “You should except me as I am,” business, but, “What can I do to change?”
(Where there’s good cause that is), ’cause not wanting to change is both immature and strange.

After all, who’s against progress, not wanting to become more appealing, and
Not wanting to please? Only those who such a relationship don’t understand.
Marriage but a school for couples, from which one never graduates, but stays on,
Childish demands, petty grievances, silly tantrums, meanness and cruelty gone.

And here’s where creative love fits in, one finding ways and means, going all out,
There never being a time when “Finished!" one can or should confidently shout.
Such famous last words, and why the older one gets, the more one learns, so take care,
’Cause if either isn’t in it for the long haul, it’s another divorce, I fear.

By Lance Landall

4.  Don't Go There

To play around with someone else’s spouse, and where there are children involved too,
Is not only a high moral crime, but a karma inviting thing to do.
And the latter deserved, because such is selfish and cruel, a line that’s been crossed,
And one that history’s shown — time and again — comes with a miserable cost.

Be it the intruder, or the embracer, both stand guilty of a bad thing,
And from which, long term and even permanent issues — more so kid wise — can spring.
To take a spouse away from a spouse is evil, and is also child abuse,
Because any children suffer too, and in their marriage, may use same excuse.

The truth is, we’ve got to be bigger than that, enter responsibility;
In other words, maturity, nobleness of character, stickability.
Yes, because there’s that bigger picture, that tragic impact on society,
And when so many marriages are repairable, and sacrosanct should be.

By Lance Landall

5.  "Leave Your Job!"

“My wife is my best friend, and we’re still very close,” He informed, “But sad to say,
Public pressure took it’s toll, so we chose to separate, go our own way.”
Well, as I listened to this politician, now chuffed to be Prime Minister,
I couldn’t help thinking how wrong and how sad, but that’s how foolishly some err.

Surely wife and family are more important than one’s job or position,
Yet, that best friend, and very close relationship, losing out to ambition.
Marriage and family less important — expendable, seemingly, sadly,
And that man foolish in my eyes, no job worth such, it selfish and crazy.

Others could have done the same job, filled his shoes — and it just a job, quite frankly,
Best dropped the moment trouble loomed, ’cause more precious are one’s wife and family.
And more so given those things he mentioned, “My best friend, and we’re very close” — oh,
Such a relationship too good to risk or end, and how further ill we sow.

But that’s life on confused planet Earth where folly is the order of the day,
And where things seem more precious than people, and where what’s better has gone astray
“Please respect my family’s privacy,” he cried, but here’s not Russia, you know,
Reality coming with liberty, and he having dealt the biggest blow.

The truth is, one’s family is best protected by being right there with them, and
By showing them what’s more important in life — yes, a rock as apposed to sand.
When we allow outside forces to intrude that we can do something about,
But don’t, then we’re the real enemy, and why, “Leave your job!” I wanted to shout.

When someone joins with us in marriage, weds us, we’ve a responsibility
(Which love accepts), to make sure that marriage wise, we don’t cause any injury.
And so, anything on our part that’s posing a threat, should be struck a death blow,
Lest that union dies, which unfaithfulness, betrayal, or thoughtlessness may show.

And where there’s kids, that responsibility’s greater, ’cause they’re affected too,
And in such cases as here, never for the better, and really hurt they do.
Many going astray, even after the best efforts, or divorcing too,
The stage having been set, and all for some job? No, “Leave your job!” Be selfless and true.

Such broken unions help create a rudderless and drifting society,
They but boats torn from their moorings, lessening society’s integrity.
The marital union, family home, but the bedrock of society,
An anchor in a world that’s losing its anchor, hence all the ill that we see.

By Lance Landall

“The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.”
Confucius (551 BC-479 BC)

6.  Husbands And Wives

They have given their life to you. Therefore, you owe it to them to respond,
Appropriately, that is, bearing in mind here, that only love can bond.
Yes, as their life-long partner, you have a duty to treat them correctly,
'Cause it’s all about sacrifice, not about expecting, not about ME.

You see, because you are their life-long partner, you’re effectively their life,
Therefore, you will either fill their life with joy or much misery and strife.
But it's terribly cruel and very unfair to cause them pain and despair,
When they could’ve had a lovely spouse, who, for them would truly love and care.

So, four very important things to remember, and hey, well before bedtime too,
“I was wrong,” “I’m very sorry,” “Will you please forgive me?” and, “I love you.”
Otherwise your marriage won’t be a happy one, or simply will not last,
And why these four things should always be forthcoming, and hey, I’m meaning fast.

As a very early ballad conveys: “The angry words spoken in haste,
Such a waste of two lives,” and in far too many lives, such words are oft traced.
And that sad ballad continues, “It’s my belief that pride is the chief cause
In the decline in the number of husbands and wives.” Here I'd like to pause.

What exactly is pride? It’s that dreadful self thing, you don’t want to lose face,
You being far more concerned with that little ME, and oh, how oft that’s the case.
Well, friend, you should be bigger than that — after all, marriage is for adults,
It certainly not for the likes of someone who self interest exalts.

The way that you treat your partner — in other words, your husband or your wife,
Not only displays the real you, but also affects your very own life.
Yes, it’s not just their life that you spoil via such, it’s not just them that you hurt,
And this why I would give self the boot, for that way, heartache you will avert.

Oh, how partners need to bury self — otherwise, their marriage will just fail;
Sure it may not actually break up, but a joylessness will prevail.
It's often said that it takes two to tango, and in marriage that’s so true,
However, that should never stop you from doing those things that you should do.

By Lance Landall

7.  Your Spouse Isn't Your Property

Dear husband or wife, I realise there’s nothing worse than betrayal, it cruel indeed,
Hence that uncovered affair that sees anger arise and one’s wounded heart bleed.
Yes, we’re talking adultery, a sexual fling or full blown affair,
Which oft sees the wounded seeking revenge, and thus how in wrongdoing they share.

Though having exchanged vows, and even promised the Earth (some blinded by feelings),
Your spouse isn’t your property despite that marriage certificate, those rings.
Therefore, though you’ve every right to feel betrayed and stung, and anger standard fare,
You’ve no right to assault them, and they’re also the parent of those kids you share.

So mind how you go, as one wrong’s quite enough, and good examples should be set,
'Cause though one of you has erred, there is still the other who hasn’t, don’t forget.
But where both err, what’s left for those kids who need to know how one should deal with such?
And given that your spouse isn’t your property, hence that unseen, “Do Not Touch!”

At the end of the day, nobody owns anybody, nor should act that way,
And why one can only forgive and move on, leave that one who chose to betray.
Though the latter too oft a wrong decision that makes a waste of many years,
And that ignores cries of genuine repentance and any progressive stairs.

By Lance Landall

8.  For Adults Only

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Husband and wife have been seen who’re happy!"
Yes, you may well laugh, but how many marriages are a success, in reality?
After all, how many husbands and wives put each other first, act unselfishly,
Realizing that’s the only way a marriage succeeds, and preserves the family?

If the wife is a nag, and the husband’s always away — at work or out with the boys —
Then that’s a marriage heading for disaster, 'cause such, a relationship destroys.
If either partner is domineering, possessive, obstructive, or sulky too,
Then someone’s living with misery, and greener pastures will probably pursue.

If the wife withholds sex without good reason, or if the husband is more into lust,
Then that husband may soon commit adultery, and the wife’s love change to disgust.
If either partner lets themselves go, or has a problem communicating,
Then someone’s interest will soon wane — and success and hope, someone will be frustrating.

If the wife won’t respect her husband, and the husband doesn’t show the love he should,
Then arguments, disloyalty, infidelity and divorce are the likelihood.
If either partner has unresolved baggage, won’t admit they’re at fault, nor say, “Sorry,”
Then someone will suffer most unfairly, and there will often be controversy.

And so it goes, 'cause one’s marriage can’t afford such assaults, that injurious word or deed,
But who has the right to mistreat their partner anyway, who might be better off freed?
And hence why some marriages shouldn’t take place, and hence why many do not succeed,
And hence why the sound advice of others, one should seriously consider, heed.

Yes, marriage should be treated like a delicate flower, very sensitively,
'Cause even little things can do serious damage, and leave scars permanently.
No, marriage isn’t for the uncommitted, those who’ll leave should the going get tough,
Nor for the starry-eyed besotted by fantasy, 'cause their chances such will snuff.

Marriage is not a playground for children, but rather, it’s a gym for the mature,
Those who don’t enter marriage lightly, nor pick their partner causally, but make sure.
Those who seek to give rather than get, but who will get if they give, undoubtedly,
'Cause what goes round comes round — and in marriage, this is very much the case, believe me.

By Lance Landall

9.  Working Together

We’ve only the one life, so please don’t take someone else’s life and mess it up,
Demanding, pushing, marring, paining, wrecking, trying to train them like a pup.
No one’s ours to treat as if they are, and a ring not changing a single thing,
’Cause one’s partner isn’t for locking up, and if they were, they would cease to sing.

And there would go their love, because love is only forthcoming when it is free,
And when it’s not, unhappiness and resentment the upshot, eventually.
Hence why all must have the freedom to walk away at any time, say Goodbye,
Not that I’m encouraging such, but such being a right that we can’t deny.

Yes, such we’d use in our own defence should we be treated just as unfairly,
And why there must be a mutual agreement, no one acting forcibly.
And neither spouse trying to put their stamp on the other, acting selfishly,
But rather, selflessly, for nothing’s a greater blessing come matrimony.

By Lance Landall

10.  Don't Ruin Either Life

The attitude and behaviour of your spouse can make or break your marriage, so choose carefully,
Otherwise, that lifelong happiness that you desire won’t be realised, it exiting quickly.
And such being why it’s better not to marry until you have found the right one, for one thing’s clear:
Misery and heartache are more oft the result of bad choices, and especially so here.

And don’t forget the old vice versa thing, lest you be the saboteur, their life thus spoilt by you,
And why you need to take a good look at yourself too, lest they end up with a partner they rue.
Yes, how dare we examine them before we’ve examined our self; and let’s hope we pass the test,
And where we don’t, we not short-changing them, for our unworthiness will soon become manifest.

So many, if not most, don’t really know their spouse until further down the track, such oft too late,
Many paying dearly having made the wrong choice, oft thanks to impatience-cum-failure to wait.
Yes, many fearing they’ll be left on the shelf, their low self esteem-cum-lack of confidence their foe,
All of which sees them ruing their marriage; or their disillusioned spouse soon shouting, “Cheerio!”

Hence why it’s better to remain single than ruin either life, such showing character and strength,
And bearing in mind that ignoring such advice is why marriages oft don’t last the full length.
And thus we or they thereby exposing an unsuitability when it comes to marriage;
All why we should tread carefully, and act unselfishly, not putting the horse before the carriage.

By Lance Landall

11.  Losing It Can Cost

It’s so easy to lose it (even over minor things), but it’s never worth what it can cost,
And sometimes that cost is heavy indeed, for as a result,  prized relationships can be lost.
Yes, it’s so easy to damage something precious, we taking our eye off the ball, mind elsewhere,
And to be honest, it usually on ourselves — yes, that age old and problematic sphere.

And often adding to such, the one who’s been hurt not forgiving, forgetting or moving on,
Or they sulking, not talking, responding with that age old “treatment,” silly childish carry-on.
All of which delays reconciliation, and adds to the regret of the one who lost it,
And who’s oft truly repentant, struggling with inner demons — but no — here, take another hit!

The truth is that neither benefits, and both can suffer more, and all so very pointlessly,
Hence why it doesn't pay to lose it, nor respond with that “treatment” — punishment, effectively.
However, lose it folk can, and those who sulk just as many, the cost either light or heavy,
But any cost is a loss that each can’t afford, and why much is to be said for maturity.

Yes, it’s so easy to lose it, but always remember that there’s a cost, a price that one pays,
Be it immediately or over time — and in-between, those oft very unpleasant days.
Yes, unnecessary days, and unpleasantness that could’ve been avoided, oft easily,
And bearing in mind what it may have cost before, for there’s no fool like an old fool, believe me.

By Lance Landall

A little humour.

12.  Two Halves Make A Whole

Men and women are like an apple split in two, each one being the other half,
And thus never a whole apple until they’re placed together — now, please don’t laugh.
'Cause as fruity as such seems, such helps us to get to the core of things, that being:
That men and women are each half of a whole, despite they not always seeing.

Yes, ever since that fated day when bites were taken unlawfully back then,
Things have never been quite the same between those two halves, here called women and men.
They each forgetting that two halves make a whole, and thus should learn to get along,
Instead of scrapping and parting, and so often getting things terribly wrong.

Though of the same tree, so to speak, they acting like they're completely different fruit,
As if an orange or a lemon, for example, confusion at the root.
And thus each branching out in different directions, even getting the pip,
Rather than growing together, seeking an amicable relationship.

By Lance Landall

13.  Something Stupid

“And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you,” so an old song goes,
One made popular by Frank and Nancy Sinatra, and once commonly heard from radios.
While such may make for a popular song, there is nothing stupid about saying “I love you,”
At least when it comes to loved ones, 'cause such encouraging words as these, are far too often few,

And are better said than playing hard to get, lest before they’re said, someone special gets away,
And so it is with our loved ones too, 'cause the very last time we may see them, could be today.
All why this we need to take on board, 'cause such words as “I love you” can’t be said too much, too strong,
And hence why I can’t altogether go along with the sentiments expressed in this pop song.

It’s because of the lack of such weighty words as “I love you,” that relationships go astray,
'Cause such are what nourishes the feelings of others, and when those words aren't there, those feelings wilt away.
And yes, one who might have stayed, leaving for sweeter pastures, not having heard the desired sound,
'Cause such they're waiting to hear, and when those words aren’t there, they feeling there’s no point in hanging 'round.

Yes, there is naught stupid about saying “I love you,” but something foolish about not saying so,
Unless one’s not worried about the outcome, but regardless of such, such wise words should still flow.
I’ve not been one for the playing-hard-to-get scene, not that one should go too far the other way
And this why when it comes to “I love you,” and those don’t ignore times, such I wouldn’t wait to say.

By Lance Landall

This poem was upgraded on 13 October 2022.

14.  Flawed Unions

There’s a certain undeniable truth that I’m choosing to remind of, and it being, that
When any man and woman live together just like a married couple, they’re exactly that.
In other words, despite no legal documentation, they’re still as married as one can be,
They sharing the same bed and home, and therefore, they shouldn’t treat that union less seriously.

You see, either they’re committed to a permanent relationship or not, and if not so,
Then neither should’ve wasted their time on that union, as such flawed unions, deeper cracks soon show.
At the end of the day, any easy way out can’t help but decrease one’s determination,
And one’s loyalty too, and why just living together's a far-reaching miscalculation.

Yes, the reason being: That couples who live together as opposed to getting married, wed,
Can hardly have the same commitment in mind, hence why either's soon seen in someone else’s bed
— Well, in so many cases, that is, and I'd imagine most —
'Cause rather than weather the storms that can hit any relationship, they seek another port,
Forgetting calm seas don’t make a good sailor, nor marriage, hence why their next union comes to nought,

Marital muscles requiring effort.

When someone truly loves someone else, they want that union secured, anchored in every way,
And when squalls appear, they man the sails rather than some lifeboat — the latter oft seen to dismay.
They having thought that living together would suffice, their union just built on sand, foolishly,
For though as married as one can be, they failed to see, they weren’t truly wed, obviously.

Such being a truth that isn’t all that new, but wisdom that’s been passed down throughout the ages,
'Cause the result of the repudiation of legitimised marriage fills many pages.
Sure many legitimised marriages fail too, but at least they’ve a better chance, better start,
For just living together leaves a door ajar, one that should’ve been shut and locked via the heart.

And the reason why is, 'cause loopholes aren’t where the answer lies, but rather, in one's mind and heart,
For there, no hint of such self-interest should be found, as such is how relationships fall apart.
And why only each other’s best interests should be sought, such reinforced by security,
A permanence sealed in the mind, living in the heart, declared by that public ceremony.

In other words, marriage in all its fullness, a union that one’s children can rely on too,
'Cause far too often kids are the victims of broken homes, a love neither genuine nor true.
So shun that “Lets live together” approach, 'cause when kids come along, that doors ajar, mockingly,
And oh, when someone closes it behind them, more sad results are unleashed on society.

By Lance Landall

15.  The Battle Of The Sexes

Men and women weren't meant to hurt each other, this an obvious deduction, surely,
'Cause why should they, and what would be the point, other than for selfish gain — such naught but folly.
Yes, the latter having been proven again and again, and one thing is perfectly clear,
Men and women were designed to compliment each other, such enhanced by the clothes they wear.

And so, men looking like men, and women like women, thus attraction being guaranteed,
He acting masculine and manly, she feminine and ladylike, in thought, word and deed.
'Cause Nature intended that such be so, and as is clear for anyone who wants to see,
Both men and women balanced and matched — and for their well-being sake, working in harmony.

All why when men and women scrap, they undermine each other, subtract from each other,
Hardly strengthening their manhood and womanhood, their roles as husband, wife, father, mother.
All why far too oft we see the sad results of such — the battle of the sexes, it’s called —
And why in every relationship, marriage and home, mutual respect should be reinstalled.

No, men and women weren't meant to hurt each other, physically or emotionally,
But were meant to bring out the best in each other, thus not competing, scrapping childishly.
And 'till this finally registers, the battle of the sexes will continue to rage,
Fuelled by those men and women, who, to be honest, need to get with the play, and act their age.

At the end of the day, success comes by working with rather than against — plain sense, really,
And more so regarding those romantic relationships — and yes, that means maritally.
But only where one puts selfishness behind, just concentrates on what is best for the two,
Those couples wanting their relationship to work, and those general relationships too.

By Lance Landall

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s just too much fraternizing with the enemy.”
Henry Kissinger

16.  The Mystery Of The Sexes

It’s an undisputable fact that men and women are different, hence all those books on sale,
Trying to explain why men and women do think and act so differently, why marriages fail.
But no matter how well explained, and how the sexes can better click, those books  keep coming out,
And the reason is, 'cause understanding the other sex better isn’t what it’s really about.

Now, I’m not implying that they shouldn’t try to understand each other, 'cause of course they should,
But rather, that they never truly will, and that's the reality, though I wish that they could.
Thus 'till men can magically become women for a spell, and visa versa, such will be,
And why it’s more about acceptance, learning to work in with those differences, forgetting about “me.”

While such books have their place, and are one way to make a killing (to be frank), there's no magic tricks,
'Cause great relationships come down to ones attitude, willingness, it less about mechanics.
All why despite those books, men and women still won’t fully understand what makes each other tick,
'Cause the answer’s found in one’s heart and mind, not in glossy pics, fancy written words, rhetoric.

Though the answer's found where I said, that’s seldom where people go looking, such not seeming to suit,
'Cause such demands the confronting of oneself, given that within us, there lies the offending root.
Well, usually so, but we looking everywhere but there, and oft at the other sex,
Who, just as foolishly, are staring in return, and thus they too in need of different specs.

Yes, it’s more how we look at things, go about things, that rules the outcome of a relationship,
And all why when we take our eyes off the ball, we slip or fail, not having taken ownership.
No, we never truly understanding each other, though should we, there'd go much attraction,
Women finding themselves less drawn to men, and men no longer finding women such a distraction.

So long live the mystery!

By Lance Landall

This poem was upgraded 6 October 2022.

17.  For Better Or For Worse?

You have a duty to look after yourself once you marry,
Though one should do that anyway, for that is acting wisely.
But once you marry, there’s not just you to think of, and therefore,
When married, those things about you that aren’t the best, don’t ignore.

Your partner has married you for life — therefore, it’s only fair
That you take care of yourself (and give some thought to what you wear).
To think differently than this, is to just think selfishly,
And to thus fuel the fires of discontent, eventually.

No person, once they are married, should foolishly think or say,
“They should accept me as I am,” for that’s a cop out, doesn’t pay,
And more so, if since you’ve married, you’ve gone backwards in some way,
Due to laziness, thoughtlessness, 'cause that’s sure bound to dismay.

“For better or for worse" means, where it is beyond your control,
'Cause the truth is, friend, things beyond your control can take a toll.
But should you, via your own foolishness, be the cause of such ill,
Don’t be surprised if your marriage soon nose-dives, because it will.

By Lance Landall

18.  Never Kiss And Tell

The world is full of people who kiss and tell, or who go and air their family’s dirty laundry,
In other words, people who let the world know what the world shouldn’t hear — betrayers, effectively.
Yes, folk who selfishly or thoughtlessly spill the details on someone else, and very foolishly,
For things have a way of kicking back, and such can also make the talebearer look rather silly.

Whenever we speak ill of our spouse, current or past partner, or some member of our family,
We act like cads, backstabbers and evil gossipers, and show our own flaws or immaturity.
For it could be that we have played a part, which people can often wonder, and quite naturally,
But what self-respecting person would provide such easy fodder for some potential enemy?

For after all, any such negative press can be used to our disadvantage, undoubtedly,
And we, via such, can convey that our life’s not all that happy, which some folk may relish joyfully.
And hence how we can give ourselves away when we may not want to, or thereby, simply invite ill,
All because of those things about our spouse, those things about someone in our family, that we spill.

And hence why none of us should ever kiss and tell, nor go airing our family’s dirty laundry,
And why a problem that’s shared is often a problem that’s doubled, a chink in our own armoury.
And why parents should mind what they say about their own children, and visa versa, obviously,
And why partners should mind what they say about each other, for there are opportunists aplenty.

By Lance Landall

19.  This Woman Who's In Your Life

This woman who’s in your life was never meant to be abused,
And neither was she meant to be just an object to be used.
So, why call your wife sexy, surely an insult in itself,
Aligning her with something that is found on a porn shop shelf.

Yes, pretty you may call your wife, and very attractive too,
But wrong focus on the body will just harm the both of you.
To a woman it’s essential that she’s loved for who she is,
And not forgetting that her needs can be different to his.

Tragically, and wrongly so, many men abuse their own,
Thus forgetting that a woman should be seen as just on loan,
For they’re entrusted with her safety, along with her well-being,
But judging by appearances, this, many men aren’t seeing.

She’s something that you treasure, and that you treat with tender care,
For she needs your sensitivity, and sympathetic ear.
Her feelings are not for crushing via some thoughtlessness from you,
And nor should you deceive her by saying anything untrue.

She should constantly be shown that she’s the only one for you,
So, give her your full attention, show that you value her view.
Often tell her you love her, show it via things you say and do,
Always making her feel desired, that your love for her is true.

Never break her confidence, nor betray her trust in you
By selfishly indulging in unfaithfulness that you’ll rue.
And never say things in public about her that are unkind,
Nor violate her physically, or manipulate her mind.

Treat the bedroom honourably, as even there, self is wrong,
For restraint and discipline — here as well — rightly belong.
Sex isn’t just for pleasure, as it can also bring forth life,
And the last thing any child needs is your relationship in strife.

Sadly so, many women’s eyes can reveal deep hurt within,
And their bodies some nasty bruises that no love from them would win.
But hurting that’s internal, pains more than those bruises showing,
Oh, if only many men could see all the damage they’ve been sowing.

No, macho isn't manly, that’s just a Hollywood affair,
For real manliness is shown when self refuses to appear.
Yes, the dignity of manhood has no childish intention
To go making its own desires the focus of attention.

Remember that she’s your equal who deserves the same respect,
For treating women differently will wrongly them afflict.
It’s oppressive domination that causes revolutions,
Whereas, that love that’s free of self, is where we find solutions.

Man’s value is no greater, and nor is his contribution,
And accepting this, helps bring any needed resolution.
For it’s only by the right things that we fan the flames of love,
And never by mentalities that just push and pull or shove.

So don’t ever take for granted one who gives their love to you,
For nothing is so precious, and so complimentary too.
Yes, every woman’s heart responds to the use of certain keys,
But especially that one that just her alone seeks to please.

By Lance Landall

Feminism in its attempt to do away with the sexual double standard between men and women has made
sexiness a desirable trait. In the past, if a woman was called sexy she would have taken it as an insult. Many today
accept it as a compliment. The result: women are dressing, acting, and talking sexier. This has no doubt
helped to open the door for the flood of increasingly explicit and violent pornography that has been sweeping the world.
Many women don’t seem to understand or fully appreciate that visual stimuli affects a man in the
same way as tactile stimuli affects a woman.
See my poem "That Word Sexy," second poetry garden, secular section.

20.  This Man Who's In Your Life

Many men (just like many women), have had a damaged background,
Thus, patterns of wrong behaviour in their relationships are found.
But there're also problems in general, along with personal faults,
That both partners marital happiness often hampers or halts.

A man’s lot isn't easy, as a certain drive that lies within
Requires constant vigilance, a serious degree of discipline.
For what’s presented sexually outside the marital realm,
Can sometimes (and even happily married men too) overwhelm.

Yes, it’s so easy to condemn men when unfaithful they have been,
But while such isn't excusable, it’s no wonder that it’s seen.
And women can bring upon themselves this sorry state of affairs,
When, via their sexy appearance, they create those desiring stares.

And hence why the question could be asked, “Are you married women dressed
In a sexual way that another man's eyes will thus arrest?"
For where might condemnation lie, should another wife's husband stray,
Or if your own much loved husband were to likewise, you too, dismay?

But a lot of men’s unfaithfulness can be traced to other things,
For there are many areas from which marital trouble springs.
After all, a man (just like a woman), needs a lot of thought and care,
As a lack of attention here, can see loyalty disappear.

Sometimes it’s those not so little things, like repetitive nagging,
For such hassling will inevitably have his spirits sagging.
Sometimes it's the wife’s appearance, for disinterest it can convey,
Yes, that he’s not worth the effort, her attire can suggest or say.

Sometimes the one who wears the trousers, as the old expression goes,
Is a controlling woman, who via such, her marriage often blows.
And sometimes, unjustly so, conjugal rights are foolishly withheld,
Creating resented frustration, which just sees more problems build.

And it must be said, that women too, unfaithfulness can display,
Thereby hurting those decent men who their wife would never betray.
And a man's loss can be even greater, when they lose their kids too,
Through unjust courthouse rulings, or some wrong thing that their wife might do.

And yes, it’s also true that there’re men who’re physically abused,
Though it’s usually women — who of such wrong — have them accused.
Hence when it comes to relationships, one's behaviour makes or breaks;
Behaviour that is largely determined by those choices one makes.

It’s patently obvious, and it's an indisputable fact
That men and women differ greatly in the way they think and act.
And hence there's a need for each wife to truly understand her man,
And where such thought has been shown, far less husbands have got up and ran.

Oh yes, a man (just like a woman), will respond to certain things,
Which must be implemented if a wife wants those things that such brings.
A woman who displays commitment, should soon see the right results,
For patient application here, most marital problems soon halts.

Therefore, give your husband that love that in marriage both are due,
Showing that you care about his needs, his hurts, aspirations too,
Yes, show unselfish dedication, and faithfulness that always pays,
And you will find that your husband won't be one of those men who strays.

By Lance Landall

21.  Men And Women

Though the likes of feminists would have us think otherwise, it’s painfully clear
That men and women are totally different, and designed for their own sphere.
One’s makeup needing to be to deal with pregnancy, for example, and thus,
Women designed for motherhood, and men for fatherhood, forget all the fuss.

As hard as they may try, women can’t be dads, and men can’t be mums, and therefore,
Kids needing to see that balance operating in their lives, it at the core,
Yes, just like that axle from which bike spokes spread, both mum and dad acting as one,
Yet each having their own roles, differently relating to daughter and son.

Femininity and masculinity aren’t accidents, but meant to be,
And all why in all our comings and goings that distinctiveness we should see.
Men acting like men, women like women, hence those knights and damsels in distress,
It not just fairytale stuff, nor cultural, but the truth, that sigh and caress.

A man’s natural instinct being to protect, a woman’s to seek help, which
(Given those children of hers), is thrown into chaos when those roles we switch.
Men stronger by design, testosterone propelled, made more for the rough and tough,
And why it all falls down when women wear the pants, throw their weight around, talk gruff.

The genders are enhanced by certain associations, their own spotlights, say,
All why when the roles are somehow reversed, something special is taken away.
And men all the less for it, women too, and why confusion’s reigning today,
Modern Eves reaching for apples too, which deep within them, have seeds of decay.

Men needing that pride that comes from their manly role, or less concerned they’ll be,
That “Women can do anything a man can” eating away destructively.
Men hit where it hurts, less sensitive to women as a result, and smarting,
Hence why many lash out, and from that dysfunctional home setting are departing.

There’s no point in fighting Nature, another word for creation, some would say,
That God-ordained design and order, which, with the fall of man, soon went astray.
And thus many kids no longer raised within that order and security,
But latchkey kids, fatherless kids, two mum or two dad kids, which shouldn’t be.

So, for all the social engineering, we’re no better off, but in a mess,
More break-ups, domestic violence, sexual assaults, and more to come, I guess.
Yes, things can hardly get better, because the path we’ve taken can’t improve things
(As is seen), ’cause it argues with Nature, and a selfish, discordant song sings.

The truth is, everything comes down to love, and love’s not one to force its way,
Nor God, for that matter, who never made robots, Eve choosing to disobey.
That tree a test of loyalty given that sin had entered via an angel,
One who also argued with the order of things, and then became a devil.

When a man comes home from work, gets kissed at the door, and his meal’s on the table,
And his wife’s looking nice, that’s not corny, but a home that’s more likely stable.
Things got on top of, house bright, school kids having had time with mum, she more refreshed,
That frazzled, working mum and dad rushing home scene, a regret too oft confessed.

How glad my kids were of such a home, their latchkey friends looking on longingly,
Or getting into trouble, and a home dad not sitting as comfortably.
Men more designed for outdoors, and women for indoors, though such to be chosen,
Not forced upon a woman, because that’s how a warm love soon becomes frozen.

And these days many women needing that outside job, hence those centres for kids
Missing their homely, motherly affection midst all the other neglected heads.
Those precious, tender years together lost forever, ill feeling underneath
(A known fact), which the modern life, or ambitious wife, is seen to bequeath.

Some call it traditional, others creational, but one thing’s very clear,
Men and women are in fact different, and operate best in their own sphere.
Submission to some, complimentary to others, couples halves of a whole,
Equal in worth and being, and just like in the workplace, naught wrong with some role.

Hence managers and assistant managers, both playing an important part,
Neither lesser or greater, and work well where there’s no murmurings in the heart.
Lucifer wanting to be like God, but just ending up lesser than before,
Discontent the cause of many ills, all why we should mind what’s kicked out the door.

If oft hard to tell men and women apart these days, they seeming to dress the same,
And act the same, which is how that confused state in the home and workplace became.
People suddenly “enlightened,” yet the darkness greater out there, and why’s seen,
Less joy and more misery, a man no longer a king, nor woman a queen.

By Lance Landall

22.  Housewives And Working Dads

Though my mum was a stay-at-home mum, often found in the kitchen and laundry,
And seen knitting and sewing midst raising us all, or scrubbing vigorously,
I never thought of her as being any less than my dad, and, I must say,
Applaud what she achieved via her choice, ’cause we’re all the better for it today.

Oh yes, her contribution great, she no slave, servant, housemaid, nor forced-to wife,
But one my dad called “Tops,” ’cause that’s how much he thought of her (married all their life).
She considered his equal in worth and being, yet washing those pots and pans,
And happy to do so, equality not having been removed from her hands.

Dad a labourer, always busy, garden full, thus having less time for us,
But mum there, and we needed her — yes, those listening ears, that after school fuss.
And both mum and dad in harmony come those principled foundations one needs,
That ensure right behaviour, and that spares or saves the child who such wisdom heeds.

No, those differing roles not shouting anything about inequality,
Both grateful for each other’s efforts, not wanting things any differently.
Mum not ambitious, nor Dad pushing her, though struggle somewhat they did, but blest,
And we not really going without things, mum and dad always doing their best.

Well, for some people it hasn’t been like this, their dad a tyrant, mum abused
(They too?), hence those rants against men, and why that setting in itself is refused,
When it’s a man problem, not a setting problem, ’cause that setting works well elsewhere,
As it did in my parent’s case, yet, “Don’t go near that setting,” some people sneer.

We don’t do away with schools ’cause of errant teachers, such hardly making sense,
Nor dismantle the marital institution ’cause of some callous offence,
But rather, we deal with the errant teacher or spouse, thus acting sensibly,
Just as naughty children aren’t a reason for saying “No” to a family.

Even those traditional roles aren’t the problem, but the abuse of them, so
It more about education — yes, that loving thought and care that all should know.
At the end of the day, there’ll always be abusers, such but life on Earth,
And this being why that necessary education should begin at birth.

By Lance Landall

23.  A Wholesome Recipe

Take a man and woman and join them together in Holy matrimony,
Add a child or two or three or four until you have a bonny family.
Fill that home with love, hugs and happiness, protect it with rules and boundaries,
And in its backyard place a garden, a lawn, swing, kennel and beckoning trees.

Yes, take a man and woman, both of them committed, determined and selfless,
And add a mum and dad fusion, an element that will rightly guide and bless.
Fill that home with fun, love for others too, noble plans and a sense of duty,
And you’ll have a picture in a frame that’s full of hope, promise, joy and beauty.

By Lance Landall

24.  Memories Are Made Of This

Mum at home, the smell of baking, ironed washing, and “Honey” prettied up and clean,
Cherished children home from school, and a happy hubby soon appearing on the scene.
A white picket fence, a pretty garden, homemade curtains and a wide open door,
And “Honey” waiting there with a hug and kiss, a favourite meal, and more in store…


Yes, memories are made of this, home sweet home, Mummy always there to call upon,
And “Honey” there to snuggle up on the sofa with when finished with her apron.
Delightful music, shelves full of books, pencils and paper, a seldom-watched TV,
And there is seen a very blessed, wholesome, close and any century family.
By Lance Landall

25.  Where's Mister Or Miss Right?

Many are waiting for the right one, as if only that one would ever do,
When there’s a number that we could be happy with, and to whom we’d say, “I do.”
Yes, there's not just one, but far more, the trouble though, being finding them, and so,
Off we go a searching, and who knows where they’ll be, or whether in time they’ll show.

And for most, despite there being many right ones out there, the right one’s not found,
We unable to give our list of desired traits to some globe trotting sniffer hound.
And so, we having to accept some mere mortal, unless we’re very lucky,
And lucky many are, the right person living in the same territory,

Or coming their way, miraculously.

Yes, because what’s the chances of that, and why our expectations should make sense,
Mister or Miss right hardly found by simply peering over the neighbour’s fence.
And even trips afar not always proving fruitful, hence why some don’t marry,
That simply how life is, and why over “Why?” it’s rather pointless to tarry.

We’re not in the Garden of Eden where perfection would’ve glowed from any,
But rather, in a world where a perfection of sorts, would hardly fit many.
And so, out of one to ten, say, we more likely having to settle for eight,
Even seven, ’cause for the right one, we could well have to wait and wait and wait.

However, it's better to still be waiting than end up with the wrong one, who,
Much misery might bring with them, they far from eight or seven, and more like two.
While not seeking perfection, we shouldn’t lower the bar too far, lest we find
That sound advice, warning, sense, wisdom and objectivity we’ve left behind.

By Lance Landall

26.  Where Wisdom's Paramount

Without a doubt, it’s better to be single and happy
Than married and regretful — imprisoned, effectively.
Yes, better to remain single, even should that be for life,
Than to marry wrongly and live with misery and strife.

After all, marriage is for keeps, or at least it should be,
A permanent, loving relationship, guarded jealously.
Something that one shouldn’t enter into lightly, quickly,
And nor just drift into, as many do, unthinkingly.

Hence why shotgun marriages seldom work, or grudgingly,
For they’re the product of pressure and force, effectively.
When folk feel they’d better, or have to, they’re headed for strife,
For how could such truly make a happy husband and wife.

A marriage needs a good foundation if it’s to survive,
For not sex, but the higher powers, one’s marriage should drive.
A baby out of wedlock may be a reason to marry,
But not a good one, it back to front, a flawed remedy.

Such lack of discipline usually leads to one thing,
A lack of it during marriage, which much heartache can bring.
Those who’re promiscuous, treat things far too casually,
And are less likely to be trustworthy maritally.

One should approach marriage seriously, not starry-eyed,
That is, never let emotion sound wisdom override.
It’s better to go without than to make a big mistake,
And why those contemplating marriage, much more time should take.

Most marry too young, too young to know what they really want, and,
Soon discover that the one they’ve married isn’t so grand.
It’s not ’till we’re older that we really know, generally,
For knowledge and understanding come with maturity.

Too many think they’ve got to get married, are pressured too, and
Need to know: Marriage isn’t necessarily some wonderland.
In fact, it’s usually not, but rather, more reality,
Something one needs to work at committedly, continually.

Something to enter with both eyes wide open, prudently,
And thinking of the others best interests, selflessly.
Sometimes it’s better to let someone go, not beg them stay,
Rather than to marry them, and later see them walk away.

Marriage is the biggest investment you’ll make, chose wisely,
It has the potential to bring you down, hurt your family.
When it’s good, it’s good, but should it sour, you’ll soon agree
That marriage should not be entered into casually.

By Lance Landall

27.  When Worlds Collide

My dear child, I’ve been pained by your choice of spouse, a choice that wasn’t wise,
But just like me, you’re rather headstrong, thus such was hardly a surprise.
I tried to warn you, help you see, gave you the benefit of hindsight,
But just like me, when I was your age, you thought Dad hadn’t got things right.

I can see that your spouse has some issues, issues that will give you grief,
And I’d hate to see your relationship hit the proverbial reef.
One needs to choose a spouse carefully, taking on board worthy advice,
And because you haven’t, there is every chance that you’ll pay a high price.

And there’s that child you have, one you’ve hardly disciplined, or poorly so,
Another mistake, which shows already, one that’s bound to lead to woe.
And don’t be surprised when some dinner invitations don’t come your way,
For who likes spoilt and demanding grandchildren, at the end of the day?

Such a child will further strain an already flawed relationship, and,
Will spoil or destroy special moments, things your marriage mightn’t withstand.
And who’ll be the guilty one, when all’s said and done, for who is remiss
If the importance of sound discipline, standards and values, you dismiss?

Yes, I will always be there for you, but you haven’t made it easy,
For your partner’s issues, and your child’s behaviour, really bother me.
And to be honest, to love is one thing, to like another, therefore,
One should mind what they expect from their father, or their father-in-law.

I’m not into pretending, dishonesty, incorrectly praising,
Besides, your spouse was your choice — and that child of yours, you two are raising.
Yes, I will play my part, meet you halfway, but you’ve your part to play too,
And indeed your spouse, who, if they really love you, such will seek to do.

It’s said that when you marry, you marry your in-laws, and it’s quite true,
Thus how big a part they play, and how well it goes, will depend on you.
Yes, like everything, such needs to be worked at, and especially so
Where your choice and your parent’s advice have clashed, and widening cracks show.

By Lance Landall

This poem was penned 8 Nov 2009.

28.  No, Opposites Don't Attract

To say that opposites attract is to fly in the face of sense and evidence to the contrary,
'Cause in all spheres of life we’re attracted to things we like, not things we don’t — well, not typically.
And as far as relationships go, even more so, though here there are certain variables, clearly,
Hence why we see many getting wed who are opposites, and thus oft destined for trouble, sadly.

Yes, too many opposites marry, 'cause people tend to fall into relationships, as it were,
Such often being a case of who they think they can get, as opposed to want, be that him or her.
And “Why?” being the likes of low self-esteem, fear of being left on the shelf, lean pickings, maybe,
Yes, any number of reasons, hence why many are mismatched, some making the best of things, rightly.

Curiosity's oft confused with attraction, some intrigued by the mysterious, perilously,
'Cause oh, how curiosity sees gets many into trouble, drawn but not attracted, you see.
Hence how they embark on a path they shouldn’t, get pregnant, and are stuck with someone, regrettably,
And thus they cursing their folly, 'cause some only show their true colours when they're married, unfairly.

Yes, that opposites attract is a myth, fuelled by those cases that folk string together that they see,
Or that Hollywood spins; but given it’s all about making things work, opposites can be happy.
'Cause the truth is, there will always be differences between partners, though the less the better, for
The less like each other they are, the more likely that one of them will be exiting their front door.

Hence the high divorce rate we’re seeing these days, and those words we hear, which hardly come as a surprise,
Yes, “irreconcilable differences,” which their failure to get on, is seen to advertise,
'Cause opposites seldom get on — and yes, they do say “Love is blind,” and with such, I have to agree,
Given the folly of those opposites that wed, and then there’s selfishness, the other problem, sadly.

By Lance Landall

This poem was upgraded 6 February 2020.

29.  Where Opposites Do Attract

I don’t know about you, but I like women to talk, act and dress like women, and visa versa too,
That is, I like men to talk, act and dress like men, for either acting otherwise is to act askew,
Because men are hardly born feminine, nor women masculine, but rather, as they were meant to be,
Hence why men are attracted to women, and women to men, both being different sexually.

And where they’re not attracted to each other, but to those of their own sex, it means something's gone amiss,
All why an abhorrence of such is understandable, and thus shouldn’t be put down to prejudice.
After all, how can two males mate, or two women? No, we know they can’t, and why despite legislation
Such unions won't truly be accepted by the majority, 'cause it’s clearly an aberration.

Having said that, and despite ones abhorrence of such, we should never treat such people differently,
And by that I mean, treat them any less than we would anyone else, thus acting inhumanely.
In other words, by all means denounce same-sex sexual acts, but don’t mistreat the individual,
'Cause at the end of the day, it seems many are born that way, and such feelings cannot exactly quell,

Something having somehow gone astray.

But returning to where I began (such but a digression), men and women are clearly opposites,
All why men acting effeminate, and women masculine, neither natural appeal nor Nature fits.
Even dressing up in the clothes of the opposite sex, just for fun, is something that's hardly right too,
'Cause such conveys something that's unwholesome, even unsavoury, and sanctions what one's better not to do.

There’re those times (and perhaps many) where a man is mistaken for a woman, and visa versa too
(Where a woman is mistaken for a man), which, to be quite honest, is hardly a flattering view.
All why men and women should only wear that which enhances their gender, and as much as possible,
'Cause there’s nothing worse than that question, “Was that a woman or a man?” given that it’s oft hard to tell.

And, let me add, a woman doesn’t have to dress sexy to enhance her gender, but femininely,
Otherwise, all she’ll do is turn herself into an object of lust, become the butt of crudity.
'Cause naught gets men talking more unseemly than the teasingly sexual, such hardly for the woman’s best,
'Cause rather than being drawn to her, they're drawn to her body, of which many one night stands attest.

In other words, it’s simply all about men being men, and women, women, acting naturally,
The way they were clearly designed to, so apparent in their thinking, their ways and their anatomy.
And this is where opposites do attract, this is where opposites were meant to attract, naturally so,
'Cause men and women were designed to compliment each other, which anyone with a lick of sense would know.

By Lance Landall

30.  Feminism

Once feminism arose, widespread discontent began to stir,
And as it gained more momentum, even worse began to occur.
Hence why it’s speedy evolution has ravaged society,
And the lot of both men and women has affected dreadfully.

Oh yes, a women’s lot has worsened, the same holding true for men,
'Cause before feminism, relationships were far better then.
The truth is, feminism’s propaganda promises what can't be,
Given it's simply built on falsehood that misleads deceptively.

When wives show their husbands respect, and husbands truly love their wives,
A deep need inside is fulfilled, and both live far happier lives,
'Cause these needs that dwell within them both are inbuilt in humankind,
Such being the way men and women were naturally designed.

And so, they different in function, but equal in worth and being,
Which is how it's meant to be, though many this fact are not seeing.
When wives show their husbands respect, and husbands truly love their wives,
His leadership, and her deference, bring true joy into their lives.

A wife’s loving deference (often called submission, by many)
Compliments her husband's leadership that acts sacrificially.
When husbands lovingly care and guide, and seek to protect their wives,
Their marital relationship bonds far better, thrives and survives.

It’s like this in industry, where to ensure productivity,
There are various positions where one functions differently.
All equal in worth and being here too, but their roles not the same,
And thus it only when they dispute such roles, that ill they inflame.

And so it is with marriage that troubles and problems are oft seen,
When either of the partners dispute their roles, or such roles demean.
You see, for marriage to run smoothly, there has to be give and take,
And each having their special function, or that union may well break.

Feminism’s sad agenda wants to crush the marital roles,
Hence why a genderless society is one of its main goals.
Their androgynous society would produce a sexless wasteland,
Where the husband and father role was simply laughed at, even banned.

Hence why feminists knock males harshly, and paint them in a bad light,
And knock the wife and mother role too, with the same militant might.
They say that they’re there for women, yet, women too, they’ve badly hurt
With their destructive message that is cleverly pitched to convert.

Sadly, renegade husbands and fathers have simply fuelled their fire,
Which is why some women, feminism and feminists admire.
But the truth is that most women are worse off than they were before,
Which is something that the feminists conveniently ignore.

And another thing that they ignore is, what women also do,
'Cause there are many women who are sexual predators too.
Yes, there are women who abuse (callously and grievously)
Both their children and their spouse, physically and emotionally.

And there are also woman murderers, women who’re unfaithful too,
And women who're insensitive, evil, and who shameful things do.
Many putting their husbands down, causing them grief and pain,
Or they treat them just like door mats, and deceive, conceal, lie and feign.

Yes, feminism is just a lie, one that neither sex should buy!

By Lance Landall

Recommended reading (Christian book): Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
Theme: The love she most desires; The respect he desperately needs. Based on Ephesians 5:33.

31.  Some Things Should Always Stand

The needs of men aren’t fully understood, ’cause women see things differently,
And when poorly treated, are less inclined to operate as generously.
Thus the past calling the shots rather than wisdom, and husbands looking elsewhere,
Their wife getting hurt once again, but she having foolishly played a part here.

Hence why some things should always stand regardless, sex a need that should be fulfilled,
Otherwise, in the direction of more pain and trouble, men will be propelled.
It most unfair that they be deprived or too restrained by an attractive wife,
Who, thereby, will hardly encourage her man’s affection, nor enhance her life.

By Lance Landall

Christian content or degree.

32  Then Came Planet Earth

And God was pleased with His work, man and woman the pinnacle, crowning glory,
They innocent, pure, and their love-centred marriage a true fairy-tale story.
And oh, how stunningly beautiful their bodies, every inch a work of art,
And their sexual relationship off to a selfless, tender, polished start.

But then came their fall and lustful groping, aggressive probing and smutty pen,
And going by movies, women tearing their clothes off, they as sex-obsessed as men.
And soon, human vitality sapped by licentiousness and lack of control,
And within society, this whole degrading, porn-fuelled scene taking its toll.

Oh, how man has sunk, women raped by eyes that objectify them, but oh dear,
They aiding this scene via their sexy attire, state of undress-cum-what they bare,
And via those photo shoots they consent to, cameras capturing their teasing shame,
And husbands committing adultery in their heart, women open to blame,

Don’t take my hubby, sort of thing, but excuse me tempting yours — it all a game.

Yes, then came planet Earth and the spoiling of it, sex hot, raw, crude and steamy;
In other words, it divorced from love, or such corrupting the love of many.
And thus many still gorgeous bodies assaulted by sex toys, fetishes and
Sleazy hands, and why there’s less respect for women, more sex crimes in every land.

No, it’s not always a power thing, but a horny thing that’s out of control,
Men constantly fed and stirred by what can only debase them and take its toll.
And this why morals have largely been despatched, but not by those who know better,
Those men who don’t listen to those selfish, callous promptings that shout, “Go get her!”

Or is it, go get him?

Oh, how many women have been claimed by more than one man, such invasion proof,
She effectively his (or how many?), and what husbands really know the truth?
Well, I mean to say, waiting for the right one and only one isn’t cool now,
Or seemingly so, and why in these times it’s more a case of when, where and how.

Okay, so we know better apparently, though not going by what is seen,
Broken hearts, sexual diseases, ravaged bodies, minds that are far from clean.
And why we’re kidding ourselves, 'cause all we’ve done is hurt ourselves, stamped on the rose,
And now we’re left with nothing but thorns and more fodder for poetry and prose.

By Lance Landall

Christian content or degree.

33.  "Husbands, Love Your Wives"

When God gave man (Adam) a woman (a wife), He intended that she be cherished,
The command to love her being a reluctant imperative, willingness wished.
Yes, God wanting it all to come from the heart, a selfless love, a heroic love,
Like that exhibited on Calvary’s cross, and still being shown from above.

Thus each wife to be seen as a precious gift, an asset, blessing and equal,
She not to be lorded over, but consulted, so that his thought and care might thrill.
His love the measure of his manhood, whether he’s reflecting the Giver or not,
And she not his but God’s — simply loaned, as it were — a privilege man shouldn’t blot.

No, because hurt and harm here will only give rise to resentment and discontent,
Her feelings for him soon flickering, and of which, only nobleness can prevent.
She to be treated tenderly and sensitively, and placed on a pedestal,
His treatment of her exemplary, and thus thoughts on her behalf bound to fulfil.

His love for her also seen in restraint, his passions under control, and kindly,
Not rough or pestering — she loved for herself — his desires not acting blindly.
Every thought, word, and action a statement, and she never taken for granted;
Such ensuring that deep in her heart and memories fruitful seeds will be planted.

She thus having no regrets, her life enhanced by his presence, she not bound but free,
Her life her own, yet they as one, and seeking each other’s good and prosperity.
He her protector, she his balance, that good woman found behind each good man,
That together they might accomplish God’s mutually benefiting plan.

Yes, they two halves of an apple that’s not meant to be bitten by adultery,
That unfaithful wounding that injures as much as that betraying pornography.
His eyes only to be focussed on her, and she rebuffing any other eyes,
The moat and drawbridge of their castle protecting them both from some nasty surprise.

He her knight in chivalrous armour, protecting both her honour and dignity,
And showering her with daily affection, loving expressions and charity.
She thus having no reason to protest, but reason for joy; such God’s intention,
And if this had always been the way, these things I wouldn’t have needed to mention.

But mention them I have, because, men, you’re on notice, Jesus having seen it all,
And each woman very precious to Him, they a generous gift, and hence His call:
“Husbands, love your wives,” thus giving them no reason for genuine complaint, but praise,
That they may see God in you, give thanks for all those happy, self-denying days.

By Lance Landall

Christian content or degree.

34.  A Marriage Made In Heaven

Greatly blessed are the man and woman in a truly God centred marriage, where
That same selfless, sacrificial love is seen that reflects God’s love, thought and care.
And greatly blessed are any children they have, who benefit from all that too,
And even more so where their own marriage has that same selfless, heavenly hue.

And this all what God intended when instituting marriage, that sacred bond,
Where nothing of a thoughtless nature was meant to cause a ripple in that pond.
Both husband and wife committed to the will of God, He captaining their ship
(Bristling with protective biblical principles, its wheel tightly in His grip).

Yes, God knowing the joy and happiness that His way brings, that heavenly key,
And access to a never-to-be-shared-with-anyone-else intimacy.
Marriage a sanctuary, a safe haven for both them and godly offspring,
Each vow having been witnessed by God from whom all things bright and beautiful spring.

And bright and beautiful are those marriages where God is in each couple’s heart,
Their hope and faith in Him, who, where given permission, creates a work of art.
A tapestry vibrant with divinely woven threads, Christ the head of that home,
Angels guarding the entrance of their citadel with its selfless, bespoke dome.

Husbands to love and cherish, wives to support and praise, neither bottom nor top,
But both being equal in worth and being, behind that duster, broom or mop.
God first, spouse second, and then any children, nothing allowed to come between,
In order that happily ever after may be that whole marital scene.

And should some lot afflict, no matter, hence “In sickness and in health,” love supreme,
That marriage built on a Rock and promise more secure than some romantic dream.
Such security not found in real-estate, nor riches, but a love that’s true,
There in both the good and bad times, like that love of God, to whom all glory’s due.

Yes, “For richer or poorer,” but richer each marriage is where God’s found there,
Hence that width and depth, that appropriate someone else to turn to come some tear.
Christ a confidante that all can trust, the great restorer, doctor who can heal,
The key of the morning and lock of the night where each couple is seen to kneel.

“How can two walk together lest they be agreed?” God’s Word questions, given that
United we stand, divided we fall, hence why unity is where it’s at.
Both husband and wife walking the same path, thus sharing the same beliefs and goal,
Neither working against the other in any way, God fully in control.

Oh, how it all rings true, self and folly why so many marriages soon fail,
God knowing what’s best, but we getting to choose, and hence that sad or happy tale.
But happy is what all desire, and God too, who looks at our eternal good,
And that of our offspring as well, and why doing things His way, is what I would.

That deep closeness between partners should resemble our closeness with Jesus, who
Not only yearns for such, but loves us even greater, all why what He went through.
Thus that union reflecting the love of God and beauty of Heaven, for all to see,
A marriage made in Heaven, signed and sealed on Earth, and giving God the glory.

By Lance Landall

Christian content or degree.

35.  The God Of Romance And Holy Passion

When God gave Adam a wife, it wasn’t meant to be a sterile relationship,
And nor, I must mention here, was Eve to ever be Adam’s object of worship,
But simply someone to be loved as Christ loves us, though her, romantically so,
And hence why attentive, thoughtful, personal, deep affection Adam was to show.

Enter sweet poetical expressions (King Solomon knowing about such too),
And those intimate candlelit dinners for two with a beachy, sun-setting view.
Yes, I’m sure that Adam and Eve frolicked playfully in the garden of Eden,
And then quietly reposed to Earth’s sweet sounds midst other feelings stirring within.

Oh yes, a time for husband and wife to just focus on each other, and you know,
God responsible for it all, He having no problem with those soft lights that glow.
Nor, I’m sure, with pleasant, fitting music that enhances the mood, some place and time,
God the Creator of all things good — and to everything, a rhythm and rhyme.

But just so long as He’s not forgotten, thus gratitude welling up in our hearts,
God the creator of romance and intimacy, and all noble, refined arts.
A God who saw that all He'd made was very good, then said, “Go forth and multiply,”
Sterility hardly part of the equation, but holy passion from on high.

And there, where romance goes that one step further, God’s blessing abounds as much, and so
Nothing wrong with the sexual when it’s in line with those passages we should know.
The Song of Solomon balanced with both warning and instruction that makes it clear
Nothing good is to be defiled, and sex outside of marriage we’re not to share.

Yes, love does no wrong, nor thinks of just itself, and thus why all was well in Eden,
Eve dearly loved by God, cherished by Adam, whose every thought was without sin,
But both operating as God intended, their deep love for each other showing,
And so it can be today midst that mood-setting music and those candles glowing.

So let those sweet poetical expressions continue, those joyous surprises,
Those spontaneous acts of affection, and those little gifts, that God too, prizes.
He being the greatest lover of souls, the most generous giver of gifts, who,
When He created Adam and Eve, both romance and the sexual sanctioned too.

By Lance Landall

Ten Commandment-like Rules For Husbands

Don’t put any other person before your wife, and don’t put yourself above her.
In the role of protector, provider and lover, do not err via domination, stinginess or roughness.
Don’t create any images of her in the form of artistic or photographic representations that degrade and reduce her to an object of lust and that could end up in anyone else’s hands but hers.
Do not put things before your relationship.
Don’t soil or destroy her very name or reputation, nor embarrass her via public put downs, negative home truths, private details, or inappropriate intimacy.
Remember and respect her period of menstrual rest, and any time out and alone that she needs for personal reflection — spiritual, mental, emotional or physical restoration.
Set aside quality time each week for just the two of you thus showing how much importance you attach to the relationship, just how committed you are to it.
Respect and show due thought and care for her parents who you owe a debt of gratitude to given that you wouldn’t have her if it hadn’t been for them, and they having every right to be concerned about her welfare.
Under no circumstances act in a way that could lead to her death, either via premeditation, recklessness or thoughtlessness, nor injure her somehow via either physical or emotional abuse.
Don’t betray her by leaving her for another woman, nor act unfaithfully via inappropriate affection or intimate relations with some other woman or porn.
Don’t remove from her life, nor deprive her of, any confidence, happiness, joy and peace that’s the right of everyone. And don't unduly deprive her of your time and presence.
Don’t imply or say anything that’s not true, unverified or unfair regarding those who’re part of her life, be they her parents, brothers, sisters, or general relations. And never lie to her, full stop.
Be content with your choice of partner, and the life you both have, lest you add to any discomfort life might have already imposed on her, or lest you discourage and disappoint her.

By Lance Landall

This article was upgraded: 10 September 2020.

Men And Women, Their Differences

By Werner Neuer.

Being a man or a woman constitutes a different way of expressing the humanity that both share equally.
The average man is taller than the average woman.
The male skeleton is usually stronger than the woman’s. The bones are thicker and heavier. The greater strength of its bone structure obviously equips the man’s body better than the woman’s to overcome physical obstacles and to carry loads. The man has greater steadiness, strength and stress resistance due to his stronger bones. The man’s hand is stronger and bonier pointing to the fact that the man is built to control the environment practically and creatively, whereas the softer daintier woman’s hand is more suited to taking in hand the environment and looking after and caring for it protectively. A man’s bones are more angular, more rugged in shape, while the woman’s have rounder, less sharply marked forms and blunter corners. Woman’s bones are not merely finer, thinner and more graceful, but also softer, rounder and less rugged in shape. The more angular shape of the male body is more fitted for resistance, assaults and pushing than the rounder female body.
The striated muscles in men are more strongly developed and constructed than women’s. They serve above all for dealing with external obstacles. Wherever we manipulate, model or effect the environment, the striated muscles come into action. The man’s superior equipment in this respect and his stronger bone structure indicate that by nature the male rather than the female is designed to overcome external environmental obstacles, to reshape and master the environment. The woman is also naturally active, and is particularly concerned with things in her immediate environment. But her activity does not involve her much in pushing forward and overcoming external obstacles, so much as in caring and nursing, in sorting, tidying and polishing. A woman’s muscles are particularly suited to their tasks. They are by nature less suited to strong contractions than to active compliance at the right moment. A woman's abdomen is designed to withstand very severe strains in pregnancy.
The suitability of women’s muscles to their tasks matches a similar capability of women in the psychological realm. The woman’s psyche, just like her muscles, can adapt very rapidly to every internal and external change. The average woman adjusts mentally and physiologically to external circumstances with versatility and adaptability.
The relative lack of muscle in women, which incidentally is not culturally conditioned but is the result of hormonal differences, is compensated for by more fat. As a result of this, and the shape of the bones already mentioned, the woman’s body is rounder and the mans more angular. We may sum up by saying that the man’s bodily frame is fitted for remodelling the environment, while the woman’s bodily shape expresses her greater gifts in arranging and caring for a circumscribed world of the nearest and most intimate things.
A woman’s skin is much softer, more tender, and smoother than a man’s, giving greater sensitivity. Women are therefore more aware of the pleasures of touch. This greater sensitivity of the skin matches the greater sensitivity of women in the psychological realm, their ability to approach matters carefully, their greater adaptability and sympathy, their capacity to give and take and to go along with situations; whereas the man tends to try to alter reality by changing it.
A woman, in contrast with all highly developed animals, has the appearance of motherhood without being or becoming a mother. This fact shows that the woman is built for motherhood as the goal and fulfilment of her being. The capacity for natural motherhood matches the motherliness in a woman’s psychological make-up, which may be developed even if biological motherhood is denied her.
The sexual organs serve the purpose of procreation and the establishment of new life. They thereby point to the man’s natural function of begetting and the woman’s of bearing. They also point to the man’s appointment to fatherhood and the woman’s to motherhood. The design of the sexual organs has as its consequence that the man as begetter in the act of intercourse is the active, giving and life-creating party, while the woman as bearer is the passive, receiving and life-sustaining party. Female passivity, male activity, female letting-it-happen, male effecting it, female receiving, male outpouring, female being found, male seeking and acquiring characterize the physical interaction of sexual intercourse. While the man has the more leading role and makes the ultimate decision if and when the union takes place, the behaviour of the woman is that of loving subjection, which she fulfils through the offering of her body. The woman’s resting egg is penetrated by the male sperm, awakening and bringing it into development. While a man simply becomes a father through begetting, conception is for the woman only the beginning of a period of far-reaching burdens and demands. The physical contribution of the man is thus fleeting in comparison with the bodily processes which the woman undertakes in motherhood. While a man is more strongly equipped for creative or destructive remodelling of his environment, the woman is more strongly equipped for arranging what the man has acquired for her or she has received from him.
A man’s life is characterized more by spontaneity than a woman’s: a woman’s life is characterized more by receptivity than a man’s. Among examples of man’s greater spontaneity one may cite his greater drive, greater aggressiveness, greater desire for leadership [dominance] and his particular capacity for creative achievements in all fields of intellectual life, a sort of intellectual procreative ability and analogous to his biological procreativity.
Women have verbal superiority [linguistic, articulation, fluency, relating]. Men have spatial conceptualization superiority [technical, mathematical, scientific, industrial, discovery, inventing, philosophy, art, musical composition] and abstract thinking [chess]. The most brilliant achievements in the realms of philosophy, art, and musical composition and the pioneering discoveries in modern science are overwhelmingly the work of men. Invention is also predominantly a male preserve. Man is well known in his thinking to be the more creative, the woman is known to be more receptive when it comes to thought. This is confirmed by aptitude tests which have shown male superiority when it comes to comprehension and reasoning, while women excel in all rote-learning tasks.
Regarding total intelligence the sexes are not really different.
Women are more holistic, more dominated by their feelings and more emotional. She is in less danger than a man is of isolating her soul from her body or her thinking from her feelings. A woman has a more developed relationship to the world of persons, a greater readiness to submit to the leadership of others [to serve, to give others help and support when they are in trouble] and a greater sociability [the tendency to seek the company of others and take pleasure in it]. Man has a more developed relationship to the world of things, is more eccentric and his thinking is more strongly directed toward the conceptual and general. For men this carries the danger that their reflection may become autonomous and cut off from the real world. The greater receptivity of women is seen in her greater ability and willingness to imitate, her greater adaptability and suggestibility, her greater linguistic aptitude and her superior capacity to sympathize, which rests on their greater sensitivity to people’s expression of feeling.
Whereas male cells contain a Y-chromosome and an X-chromosome, female cells have two X-chromosomes. This difference involves all the cells of the organism; probably the real personal differences between the sexes are determined by this. Sexuality affects the whole of a person’s body and not only a part. It is also evident in different hormone levels, in the different constitution of the blood and bodily liquids, of the nervous system, of internal organs and brain structure.
Every person possesses to a certain extent sexually specific characteristics of the other sex. This goes for biological as well as intellectual and psychological aspects. So in this way there is neither a total man nor a total woman.
Sexuality involves the whole person and constitutes part of one's essential being. Sexual differences affect not only the bodily aspects, but also the psychological aspects of personality. Body and soul form a unity which cannot be devided into a sexual part [body] and a sexless part [mind]. Rather the person in its totality is a sexual being.

Excerpts taken from the book Man And Woman In Christian Perspective.

You may also wish to read my poem What's A Man, And What's A Woman which is found on my page Societal Concerns, Home page, orange box.

36.  Not Me

One couldn’t be blamed for waking up one morning and thinking, “Am I a man
Or a woman?” (something normally recognised by the proverbial scan).
After all, it’s not so clear anymore. Well, so the social engineers say,
Who’ve come up with all sorts of alternatives, and thus one not just straight or Gay.

Oh dear, and to think I had it figured. Well, for most of my life anyway,
But now, my anatomy possibly fooling me, despite what doctors say.
It’s really quite alarming, ’cause the one I thought was my wife, mightn’t be too,
Yet didn’t we have half a dozen kids, of which I thought their gender I knew.

But no, we’re now a “something” man or woman, and all why I’m shaking my head,
Wondering how long it’ll be before we need to wear a tag, say what instead.
And to think that everyone once knew what they were, right throughout history,
But not now, something having changed — though still going by observation, not me.

By Lance Landall

Some Reasons Why Marriages Can Flounder And Fail

Unfair and unrealistic expectations and demands.
A lack of affection.
Unfulfilled sexual needs.
Not enough time together.
No common goal.
Conflicting desires.
Personal hang-ups and issues.
Workplace flirting or temptation (and there are seducers).
Roving eyes.
Sexual addiction.
Alcohol, drug and gambling addiction.
Interfering in-laws.
Excessive stresses and tensions.
Financial difficulties.
Undisciplined, patience testing children.
Not taking pride in oneself.
Too much haste to tie the knot.
Lack of preparation.
Inability to communicate.
And inability to compromise.

And by the way, what's wrong with the traditional wedding vows?

"...for better or worse"
during good times and tough times, in joy and in sorrow
"for richer or poorer"
despite financial misfortune, in plenty and in want
"in sickness and health"
despite any spoilers, midst good health and bad health
"to love and to cherish"
what marriage is all about
"till death do us part"
through all the years, midst the boring and exciting
"according to God's holy ordinance"
do appreciate the specialness, naturalness and solemness of this intimate union that no one else is to share, and that begets children who need the security of a permanent relationship
"and thereto I pledge thee my troth"
am totally committed, have every intention of standing by my promise to be faithful, loyal and honest

As for,
“to love, honour and obey," 
LOVE goes without saying (hence why love will always be retained, I guess);
HONOUR could be seen as simply referring to him not being ridiculed, cheeked or berated, because such is very damaging to his manhood, can make him feel like a little boy, can make him feel like giving up. Enter respect.
And yes,
OBEY no doubt best gone, though even here, such could simply be seen as not giving him any grief, not thwarting his protective, manly attempts to do what’s best and right for his family as a whole, nor betraying him somehow (hence the song: "Stand By Your Man").
Just as a woman should be loved, a man should be respected. It's a core thing to him. After all, he is an authority figure to his children, the family policeman and security guard, as it were
— the buck always stopping with him. All why you may hear a mother say: "We'll see what Dad has to say about that."
It's the same within society. We may not have much time for certain people who're authority figures, but we should still show due respect for the position they hold. The same holds true regarding parents.
Hence the book:
Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
So, how about, "To love, respect and support,"  for one example?

By the way:
I don’t know where kneeling to propose originated, but such is something that I personally have a problem with.
Such kneeling seems like a servant, ruler thing, as if one’s approaching a throne, a superiour being.
Such kneeling hardly seems in keeping with that natural and manly protector, provider role.
Such an act also seems to fly in the face of both of them being on an equal footing — equality, some call it. After all, whoever the woman is, she’s not some goddess, nor he a mere knave, servant.
Are men so unworthy (and women so above them) that men have to plead on their knees?
And isn’t kneeling something that’s more in keeping with asking forgiveness, more in keeping with approaching divinity?

The following is Henry Ford's reply when he was asked what was the secret of his marital success:

 "The formula is the same as I used to make a successful car: Stick to one model."

And you know, there’s no better protection for women than:
1) Modest clothing.
2) Virtuous behaviour.
3) A level head.
4) A selfless, noble husband.
How so, you ask?
1) Though men are naturally attracted to the female form, modest clothing helps lessen the unwelcome advances of users, abusers and predators who almost always prefer the immodest because it appeals to their lust; and modest clothing lessens any concern over whether it's ones body that's attracting some suitor or ones personality.
2) Virtuous behaviour spares women from those unwanted pregnancies that go hand in hand with that solo-parent syndrome; and those sexual diseases that follow promiscuity around.
3) A level head is more likely to lead to the right choices, and thereby, the right man.
4) A selfless man is not a demanding man, and a noble man doesn’t mistreat women, but rather, protects their honour and well-being.

This article was added to on 11 May 2023.