Poetry With A Mission



...a thought provoking poetical exercise.

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Did You Hear About ...?

The bone specialist who worked with a skeleton crew,
The harrier whose memory needed jogging too?
The hard-case lawyer who was always defending himself,
The demure librarian who was left on the shelf?

The deep-sea fisherman caught in a police net,
The homesick guitar player who would regularly fret?
The pencil manufacturer who only had pen-friends,
The diver who drove around in a Mercedes-Benz?

The surgeon who often had his patients in stitches,
The golfer who enjoyed munching on club sandwiches?
The colourful painter who had a brush with the law,
The shy fridge salesman who took quite some time to thaw?

The ex-sailor who became a TV anchorman,
The lazy bush ranger who always said, “Billy-can?”
The metal merchant always in the middle of some scrap,
The engineer who tried to bridge the generation gap?

The accountant who was always talking figuratively,
The firefighter whose statements were inflammatory?
The treasure hunter who discovered someone’s bootee,
The knitter interested in cardiology?

The Olympic pole-vaulter who was afraid of heights,
The ravenous computer tech who took giga-bites?
The tobacconist whose business went up in smoke,
The fix-it-man who apparently was always broke?

The con-artist who gave the police sketchy details,
The weatherman who referred to his wife’s car as, "Gail’s?"
The Welshman who was totally obsessed with whales,
The female jockey who loved wearing ponytails?

The dentist who insisted on having an extractor fan,
The astronomer who had a liking for marzipan?
The adhesives consultant who wouldn’t stick to his word,
The pianist whose favourite pet was a mynah bird?

The cruel butcher who would regularly rib his friends,
The tennis player who collected ballpoint pens?
The chicken farmer who was convicted of foul play,
The dairy farmer who used to gaze at the milky-way?

The night watchman who responded very guardedly,
The absent minded Pharaoh who lost track of his mummy?
The acupuncturist who often spoke very pointedly,
The intern who acted very inhospitably?

The battery specialist who would often overcharge,
The negative photographer who problems would enlarge?
The king who mistakenly was sent a queen size bed,
The smelter worker who was very easily led?

The glass-blower whose ideas took time to crystallize,
The sergeant major who tended to generalize?
The plastic surgeon who melted at the sight of money,
The absent-minded hare who thought he was a bunny?

The arborist who really enjoyed listening to Bach,
The birdwatcher who simply did it for a lark?
The brand-new toy shop that opened with a Barbie-que,
The steam train driver whose dentist told him to, “Chew, chew?”

The retired soldier who was very bombastic,
The contortionist whose schedule was quite elastic?
The taxi driver who often sang in a cabaret,
The ammunitions expert who chose to live in Bombay?

The odd historian who always lived in the past,
The trumpet player who considered his role a blast?
The lighthouse-keeper who was always seen beaming,
The irritable cook that was often seen steaming?

The physiotherapist who put pressure on his friends,
The tailor with a grudge who just wouldn’t make amends?
The pianist who would always major on minors,
The waitress whose Mustang was referred to as, “Dinah’s?”

The wayward sailor who was told to, “Shape up or ship out,”
The horse whisperer who irritatingly would shout?
The pompous gym instructor who often postulated,
The chagrined thief whose story wasn’t corroborated?

Oh, did you also hear about…

The accountant whose actions were very calculated,
The grand-prix driver whose misfortunes accelerated?
The chatty inmate who had his cell phone confiscated,
The conductor who large scale robberies orchestrated?

The country sheriff whose badge was copper plated,
The paperhanger whose exploits saw him decorated?
The balloonist whose huge ego was soon deflated,
The cheese taster whose manner very often grated?

The dishonest builder who evidence fabricated,
The stressed out pest controller who fumigated?
The sick electrician who had to be isolated,
The domino player who each contest dominated?

The fraudulent car salesman who was incarcerated,
The puppeteer who always liked his meals marinated?
The ambitious lift attendant who was elevated,
The nervous magistrate who often equivocated?

The nuclear scientist who warmth radiated,
The soccer player who was very goal orientated?
The agriculturist who good manners cultivated,
The trainee chiropractor whose wages were backdated?

The pet shop owner who was very animated,
The UFO researcher who was alienated?
The truck driver whose thoughts were clearly articulated,
The lazy green grocer who simply vegetated?

The mechanic who was extremely motivated,
The inept deer stalker whose hunting just stagnated?
The washing machine repair man who got agitated
And, the parrot whose food was polyunsaturated?

By Lance Landall


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